


song beneath the song.

by pyroallerdyce



Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [190]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Background Relationships, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Boys Kissing, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Guitars, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Sex, Inspired by Music, Kissing, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Music, Musicial Instruments, Musicians, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Relationship, Really Bad Made Up Song Lyrics, Recreational Drug Use, Relationship(s), Rock Stars, Rock and Roll, Secret Relationship, Song Lyrics, Songwriting, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27456592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: There was talk about who the band playing the mystery gig was, and the consensus from the people around her was that it was the indie band The Queen's Speech, who were rising up the charts with a single from their latest self-released album. Rey just smiled and sipped at her drink when someone asked her opinion on it, knowing full well that it wasn't The Queen's Speech who was about to take the stage, but The Rebels. The Rebels were only the biggest band in America at the present time, and they were playing this secret gig at this underground New York City club as a rehearsal for their huge stadium tour that started next week.or: Ben and Rey reconnect after nearly a decade apart, and while a lot has changed, some things haven't. Plus Poe and Finn are something, but no one really knows what, even them.**REPOST**
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [190]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601755
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> realized that I'd been posting the wrong drafts of chapters - not the rewritten ones that I'd wanted to - and so I took it down and here I'm putting it back up. sorry about that!
> 
> This will be SUPER long.
> 
> They're all around the same age and from New York in this, except Finn is from Boston, but that doesn't really matter at all. Rey has a couple of referenced made-up brothers. Her last name comes from a Star Wars name generator - I just picked one I liked (same with Jannah's). Poe's got a referenced made-up sister. Finn's got a referenced made-up brother. There's a bunch of what I think are pretty bad made-up song lyrics. I don't know how Dopheld Mitaka really is, but I needed him to be not nice here. Nothing in this is all sunshine and roses and fluff; there is some deeper, more serious stuff going on with a few of the characters. If you're wondering where a character is, at least a reference is probably coming soon.
> 
> and as always, if you like what you read, please let me know via a comment or kudos or bookmark so that I know I'm not writing into a void. enjoy!

For a moment, Rey Janrenk took a look at the club she was about to set foot in and thought it beneath her stature. Then she quickly reminded herself that she was trying not to be so goddamn posh, and she smiled at the bouncer as she paid the cover charge and walked inside. The club was dark and smoky, packed full of several hundred people who were standing around tables and starting to crowd the small stage at the back. Rey looked around for a moment before heading towards the bar, working her way in between a few people until she could order a whiskey. Drink in hand, she forced her way through the crowd until she was right at the front of the stage, right in front of the lead singer’s microphone.

There was talk about who the band playing the mystery gig was, and the consensus from the people around her was that it was the indie band The Queen’s Speech who were rising up the charts with a single from their latest self-released album. Rey just smiled and sipped her drink when someone asked her opinion on it, knowing full well that it wasn’t The Queen’s Speech who was about to take the stage, but The Rebels.

The Rebels were only the biggest band in America at the present time, and they were playing this secret gig at this underground New York City club as a rehearsal for their huge stadium tour that started next week. Rey only knew that they were playing this gig because she’d been tipped off by Leia, mother of The Rebels’ lead singer Ben Solo. Rey had run into her a couple of days earlier, and after the initial shock of seeing her best friend’s mother, she told Leia enough about what she’d been through to make her realize that Rey needed her best friend. She had known Ben since she was six, and even though they’d lost contact over the past decade, she still considered Ben her best friend.

Leia had assured her that the quickest way to get to Ben was to go to this secret gig, make sure she was right in front of the stage, and to make sure that Ben saw her in between songs. Rey had no idea if Leia had tipped Ben off to the fact that she would be there, but she figured if she had, Leia would have left out the fact that it was her who was waiting in the front row. She knew Leia wanted Rey to genuinely surprise Ben, which was why she had concocted this ridiculous way of getting back in touch with him in the first place.

The lights of the club suddenly dimmed even more than they already were, and the crowd around Rey started to cheer loudly. Rey polished off the rest of her drink and set the empty glass down on the stage, smiling to herself. It was going to be good to see Ben again.

Backstage, the band was gathered in their pre-concert huddle, listening to their manager Lando Calrissian give them a motivational speech. This was the only gig of the tour that Lando was going to be at because of commitments to other bands, but The Rebels felt safe in the hands of Snap Wexley, their road manager, and Amilyn Holdo, their assistant. When Lando had finished his speech, he ducked out of the huddle, and then it was just the band. Ben Solo looked around at the group he'd met at Columbia University, still somewhat in awe of the fact that they had made it to this point in their career, about to embark on a stadium tour of some of America's biggest cities. 

Poe Dameron, the bass guitarist, was to his left, and he grabbed Ben by the scruff of the neck. “Ready to sing the fuck out of these new songs, Ben?”

“You know it, Poe!” Ben yelled back, joining in when the rest of the band started jumping up and down. “Let's fucking do this!”

Finn Storm, the lead guitarist and main songwriter, was the first to break the huddle, grabbing his guitar and striding onto the stage. At the sounds of the crowd losing their minds, Armitage Hux, Kaydel Connix, Jannah Madell, and Rose Tico followed Finn onto the stage, Poe joining them a few seconds later. Ben held back for a minute, like he always did, then sprinted out onto the stage just as the opening notes to _Just Keep Me Where the Light Is_ sprang to life off Finn's guitar.

_You know how you feel about me_  
_I know how I feel about you_  
_But we're too stubborn to tell each other the truth_  
_You know what you want from me_  
_I know what I want from you_  
_But we're too closed off to tell each other the truth_  
_Are we going to do this dance forever?_  
_Or are we going to find our way together?_  
_Just keep me where the light is_  
_You don't have to leave me shut in the dark_  
_Just keep me where the light is_  
_Let me show you how amazing it could be_  
_Just keep me where the light is_

It was at that moment, just at the end of the first chorus, that Ben looked down at the fans right in front of the stage and locked eyes with one Rey Janrenk, someone he had convinced himself he'd never see again. He spent so long staring at her that Poe had to kick him to get him to start singing again, and then he did his best to keep from looking at her for the rest of the concert.

Rey was there. Just the thought was enough to have him grinning.

**********

Rey made her way back to the bar after the show came to an end, ordering another whiskey. She took a long sip from it and then jumped as someone tapped her on the shoulder, nearly spilling the drink down the front of her dress.

“I'm so sorry to startle you, miss,” came a voice, and she turned around to see a woman standing behind her, a backstage pass dangling from her hand. “The band has requested that I give you this. But only if you want it.”

Rey smiled and took the pass from her. “Thank you very much,” she said, putting it around her neck. “Are there drinks backstage or do I need to get another out here?”

“What are you having?”

“Whiskey.”

The woman smiled. “Oh, we've got plenty of that backstage. Follow me.”

Rey followed her through the crowd, eventually ending up at a door behind the small stage. The woman opened it and suddenly Ben appeared in the doorway, that brilliant grin of his on his face. “Amilyn, did she take it?”

“Ask her yourself,” Amilyn said, walking around Ben and letting Rey into his view.

Ben stepped down from the elevated doorway and looked at her for the first time in forever. “Rey Janrenk.”

“Ben Solo,” Rey replied, stepping towards him. “God, you looked incredible up there.”

“You look incredible right here!” Ben exclaimed, pulling Rey into a huge hug. “Christ, Rey, how long has it been?”

“Almost ten years, I think,” she said, breaking the embrace. “A long time, at any rate.”

Ben noticed that some of the people near the stage door were staring at them, and he took Rey by the hand, leading her up the step and through the door. “Come on, let's continue this in private.”

Rey followed along behind Ben as he walked them through a small hallway, stopping at a door with a cheesy gold star painted on the front of it. “The band's a little wired, just so you know,” Ben said, then opened the door and led Rey in.

The dressing room was chaos in motion. Groupies were everywhere, the band was scattered around the room, and most of them were jumping up and down, yelling back and forth about the show. Rey took one look at it all and started to laugh. “I cannot believe you're a fucking rock star,” she yelled into Ben's ear. “You, who used to be so afraid to sing in the choir that you just mouthed the words! A fucking rock star!”

“A lot has changed, Rey. It's been a long time!” Ben yelled back. “Come on, let's get something to drink!”

Rey let Ben lead her to the back of the room, where the woman that had given her the backstage pass was standing next to a table filled with bottles of alcohol. “Whiskey, right miss?”

“Yes, and call me Rey, please.”

“Well, Rey, you can call me Amilyn,” the woman said, handing her a glass.

“Then thank you, Amilyn,” Rey said, taking a sip of her drink.

“Amilyn is our assistant extraordinaire,” Ben said. “She doubles as a bartender.”

The door to the room came smashing open and a man in a sharp-looking suit came walking in, throwing his arms open wide. “You motherfucking killed it out there!”

“That's Lando, our manager,” Ben said in Rey's ear. “Excuse me for a minute.”

Ben pushed his way through the room until he was throwing himself into Lando's arms. Rey turned back to the table and saw Amilyn looking at her curiously. “What?”

“Sorry,” Amilyn said. “I just kind of can't believe that you're real.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ben's talked about his magical best friend Rey for so long, but since you've never been around, the band always teases him about making you up.”

Rey laughed. “Oh, he didn't make me up. Though when we were kids, I used to think I made him up sometimes. He's too good to be true.”

“I don't know about that,” Amilyn said, laughing before turning her head towards the front of the room when Lando called out her name. “Excuse me.”

Rey stayed at the back of the room, sipping at her drink, watching as the band collapsed onto various chairs. Two women with long blonde hair immediately sat down on Ben's lap, and Rey felt her lips turn into a frown as she watched Ben's arms slide around their waists. She didn't know why she was surprised; Ben was the lead singer of one of the hottest bands in the world. Of course, he was going to have groupies, and as a single man, of course, he was going to take advantage of that. Maybe it was because Ben in her head was still the shy, unassuming guy who'd left for Columbia, and the two couldn't be further apart. Ben had been right. A lot had changed.

Ben didn't need her anymore.

Rey felt an ache in her chest as she downed the rest of her drink, turning back to the table and looking for the bottle of whiskey. She poured herself a glass and knocked it back as fast as she could. She didn't know how she was going to get out of the room without Ben seeing her, but she was going to find a way. And then she was going to go back to her apartment, and then she was going to get the bottle of vodka out of the freezer, and then she was going to drink her best friend away.

She poured herself another glass of whiskey and knocked it back, only to notice someone was now standing to her left, surveying the bottles on the table. She looked over at him just as he was looking over at her, and she smiled. “Hello.”

“I don't think we've been introduced,” the man said, slyly holding out a hand. “Poe Dameron.”

“Rey Janrenk,” she responded, shaking his hand as realization dawned on his face.

“Not Ben's Rey.”

“I would hardly call myself Ben's Rey when I haven't seen him in like a decade,” Rey said, pouring herself another glass.

Before she knew what was happening, Poe had swung her around, grabbed her free hand, and raised it into the air. “Look, everyone! It's Ben's magical Rey!”

Rey suddenly felt the eyes of everyone in the room on her, and she felt uncomfortable standing there. “Hello,” she offered, bringing her drink up to her lips so she didn't have to say anything else.

“Wait a fucking minute,” came a voice from the front of the room. “When the fuck did Ben ever mention that his friend was a stunningly beautiful woman? I always thought Rey was a guy!”

“Finn, I think you're really drunk if you think Rey is a man,” Ben yelled out, pushing the blondes off his lap and walking back to her, sliding his arms around her waist. “And she's mine, so don't get any ideas!”

The rest of the room laughed and started talking again, and Poe wandered off into the crowd, but Ben stayed there with Rey, his arms still wrapped around her waist. “I can't believe you're here,” Ben said softly, reaching up to tuck a lock of Rey's long hair behind her ear. “It's been so long.”

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Rey asked. “Or is this an all-night party?”

“It's a late-night party. The club will kick us out at some point,” Ben said, smiling at her. “But we can go back to my place and talk if you want.”

“I'd like that.”

Ben took the glass from Rey's hands and set it on the table, then wrapped Rey's right hand up with his left and started leading her towards the door. “I'll see you losers at rehearsal tomorrow!”

The whole band oohed as Ben and Rey approached the door, and Ben spun around and flipped them off. “You fuckers are disgusting.”

Rey laughed as Ben led them out of the room and slammed the door behind him. “I want to meet the rest of the band sometime.”

“Don't worry, there will be plenty of time for that,” Ben said, leading her down the hallway and out of the club into the alley in the back. “We can call for a taxi or we can just walk. It's only a few blocks from here.”

Rey glanced down at the silver stilettos she was wearing before looking up at Ben and smiling. “Walk.”

“You sure?” Ben asked, glancing down at her shoes.

“Yes,” Rey said. “Which direction?”

Ben grinned at her. “This way, my dear.”

**********

“Do you remember how fucking excited I was to go to Columbia?” Ben asked, pouring them both another drink. “I got there and then I couldn't give a fuck about going to class once I joined the band. Thank fuck it took off 'cause I don't know what on earth I'd be doing right now otherwise.”

“Yes, yes,” Rey said, reaching for her glass of whiskey and knocking it back. “Do you remember how mad I was that you got to go to Columbia but I had to go to Georgetown to make my father happy? God, I did so much shit to keep that lousy son of a bitch happy. Never gave a thought to what would make me happy.”

Ben stared at her for a moment, then reached out and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it softly. “We were going to visit each other.”

“We never did,” Rey murmured.

“I can't believe we let ourselves lose contact with each other.”

“It's our fault,” Rey pointed out. “You always knew how to get a hold of me, and once I saw the band, I knew how to get a hold of you. But by then I was engaged and it just didn't feel right to.”

Ben knocked back his drink. “So when's the big wedding happening, Mrs. Dopheld Mitaka?”

“Ah, so you know about that."

"I think the whole world knows about that, Rey. You guys were on every magazine cover imaginable."

"Ugh, don't remind me,” Rey groaned, holding up her ringless hand. “No, no, no. Formerly engaged to Dopheld Mitaka. Who is a total dick, by the way. Done yet again to make my son of a bitch father happy. Oh, we were horrible for each other. The fights were epic. I wasted almost a decade of my life on him.”

Ben set his glass down and pulled Rey out of her chair and into his arms. “Fuck, I should have been there for you.”

“No, we're not going down that road. We drifted apart and we have to accept that. Now, I'm forcing us back together. I had my whole life changed by ending the engagement and I'm going back to the stuff that made me happiest. And what always made me happiest was being around you. I just want to be with my best friend the way I used to be.”

Ben hugged Rey close. “I never want to let you out of my sight again.”

“Well, you're going to have to. I have to go home and pack.”

“Pack?” Ben let go of her and reached for the bottle, topping off both of their glasses.

Rey just smiled as she took her glass back from him. “Yeah, I've decided to follow this band around, try to talk my way backstage every night. Basically, say fuck off to my father and all of his ideas about what his baby girl should be doing for a while.”

Ben looked at her with a huge grin. “Might the lead singer of that band be a man who until about nine years ago couldn't sing in a room with the lights on?”

“Oh Christ, I totally remember how you'd never sing for me unless you turned off the lights first. I can't believe I'd forgotten that.” Rey burst out laughing at the memory. “Quite possibly.”

“You're going to follow us around on tour?” Ben grinned at her over his glass. “I shall arrange for all the details and a permanent backstage pass for you then.”

“That would be much appreciated, Mr. Solo,” Rey said, knocking back her drink before picking up her phone to check the time. “It's almost three a.m. so I should get going.”

“You're going nowhere after all the alcohol you've consumed, Miss Janrenk,” Ben said, stealing her handbag from her hands and tossing it onto the table behind them. “You can stay here tonight.”

“Don't assume that because I'm going to follow your band around that means that I'm going to act like one of your groupies,” Rey said sternly. “Because I am not sleeping with you, Solo.”

“I would never think of besmirching your honor like that, Rey.”

“You're not drunk enough yet,” Rey said, reaching for the bottle. “You can still think of words like besmirching.”

Ben let her take his glass and top it off, taking a long sip once he had it back. “I really don't think you should leave.”

“You don't get to make that decision,” Rey said, setting the bottle back down and reaching for her handbag again. “I am going to go home, Ben. I will, however, allow you to call for a taxi for me.”

Ben polished off his drink and stumbled towards the house phone. “You are so stubborn. I have a guest room, you know.”

“And I'm sure I will be acquainted with it soon enough, but not tonight.”

“I'll call for a taxi,” Ben said, picking up the phone. “But you've got to give me your phone number or something, Rey. Otherwise, I'll lose you again.”

Rey laughed and grabbed Ben's phone off the table. “Get me a taxi and I'll give you my number.”

“Easier than one of the groupies,” Ben muttered to himself as he started to dial.

“I heard that!”

**********

“So how was she?” was the question that Ben faced the moment he walked into the rehearsal studio the following afternoon. Finn looked far too smug, and Ben had the urge to go punch the look right off his face.

“I did not fuck her,” Ben said seriously, glaring at Finn. “Rey is a friend. That is all.”

“There's no way I'm going to believe that, Ben,” Finn said, shaking his head. “Anyone can tell from the way you've always talked about her that you're head over heels in love with her.”

“This is coming from a man who last night told me he thought that I'd been talking about another man this whole time, right?” Ben asked as he sat down on the stool behind the microphone that was meant for him. “I mean, fucking hell, Finn.”

“I said that?”

“Yes, you did,” Poe said, slapping Ben up the side of his head. “There's nothing wrong with two guys being together and you know that. And Finn is right. You're completely in love with her.”

“Did I say there was something wrong with two guys being together?” Ben responded, looking between Finn and Poe. “You think I'd be okay with whatever the fuck you two are doing with each other if I thought that?”

Poe and Finn stared at each other for a moment before Poe broke their gaze. “Nothing is going on between us.”

“Sure there's not,” Kaydel chimed in. “That's why you're sharing a room on the tour while the rest of us get singles.”

Finn suddenly got very interested in tuning his guitar, and Poe spun around to glare at her. “Fuck off, Kaydel.”

“Alright, that's enough, I think,” Jannah said from behind the drum kit. “Can we get to rehearsing, please? I'd like to get some sleep before we leave in the morning.”

“You can sleep when you're dead,” Armitage said, ducking when Jannah threw a drumstick at him. “What? You can't deny it!”

“Shut up. At least I'm not an idiot,” Jannah said, standing up and walking over to get the drumstick. “You're the one thinking of marrying Phasma.”

The rest of the band all looked over at Armitage in surprise. “You're thinking about marrying Phasma?” Ben finally said, breaking the silence. “Seriously?”

“I know, I know, everybody thinks she's cheating on me with the bassist from Idiot School but she's not,” Armitage protested. “She's sworn it to me.”

“What did she swear it on, her easily opened legs?” Rose asked, laughing as Armitage tried to hit her from where he was sitting. “Armitage, come on man, you know she's opening them for whoever the fuck wants a piece of her. You can't want to marry that.”

“She is not,” Armitage seethed. “Now can we start rehearsing before I kill all of you?”

Finn started playing the opening notes to _Total Nonsense_ before anyone could say anything else, and soon the whole band was deep into rehearsal, bickering about changes to the setlist instead of slinging insults back and forth. Ben was in the middle of singing _Wanna Dance Alone_ when the door opened and Lando and Amilyn walked in. The band played till the end of the song and then stopped, looking over at them.

“What happened to uninterrupted rehearsal time?” Poe mumbled.

“You can get back to rehearsing in a minute,” Lando said, walking over to them. “I just want to lay down a few guidelines for the tour. Think of them as rules to live by while on the road.”

The entire band groaned. “Not again,” Kaydel declared. “Last time you did this we didn't have any fun.”

“You can have all the fun you want,” Lando said. “I've only got two guidelines.”

“What are they?” Armitage asked, sighing heavily.

“First, absolutely no one can find out about whatever the fuck is going on between Poe and Finn.”

“There is absolutely nothing going on between me and Finn,” Poe yelled out, glancing over at Finn only to have Finn duck his head and keep from meeting his gaze.

“Sure there's not,” Lando said. “Second rule. Ben, don't get photographed with your lady friend.”

“Ben has a lady friend?” Jannah asked. “Who is this lady friend?”

“Rey is going on tour with us,” Ben said, spinning around to look at the band. “And none of you are going to protest. She needs me right now and so she's going to have me.”

“And you still claim that you didn't fuck her last night?” Finn asked, laughing. “Ben, it's us. You can tell us.”

“No,” Ben gritted out. “I did not fuck her last night. We drank and talked till three a.m. and then she insisted on going home instead of staying in my guest room. And that's all that happened.”

Poe started to say something but was cut off by Rose. “I believe him. You know how Ben is after he has a conquest. He comes in hungover as fuck and bragging about it. If he says he didn't fuck her, then he didn't fuck her.”

“I don't care if he did or he didn't,” Lando said, drawing their attention back to him. “No photographs with the lady friend.”

“Shouldn't be a problem,” Ben said, bringing a smile to Lando's face.

“Excellent. And with that, I bid you all a fond farewell. I shall see you in four months, unless you fuck up before that, in which case I will have to rearrange my entire schedule to fly out and lecture you. Make sure that doesn't happen.”

Lando turned and walked out of the room, leaving Amilyn standing there. “What do you want, Amilyn? Don't tell me you've got fucking guidelines too,” Poe groaned.

“Hera wants me to pass along a message,” Amilyn said, referencing the band's producer. “She wants an album and a half of new material written while you're on tour so you can go straight back into the studio when you get back.”

“You've got to be fucking kidding me,” Finn burst out. “Lando promised us a fucking break before we had to start recording again.”

“This is coming straight from the label, Hera said,” Amilyn responded. “Enric wants a fourth album out as soon as possible.”

“We just released _Wonderful At Night_ a month ago!” Jannah called out. “I have plans for after this tour that do not involve me spending all my time in a fucking recording studio!”

Amilyn held up her hands in an attempt to calm everyone down. “Don't fucking shoot the messenger. I'll get Lando on it, see if he can change Enric's mind. If not, well, you're contractually obligated. You signed a seven-album deal.”

“I am not spending all my free time on this fucking tour writing new music,” Finn declared. “So Hera and Enric can fuck off!”

“I will relay the message,” Amilyn said, walking towards the door. “Just in a much nicer way than that.”

“This fucking label,” Finn fumed as the door shut. “I'm starting to think it's the worst thing that's ever happened to this band.”

“Are you fucking insane? The label is the best thing that ever happened to this band. We'd still be playing dive bars if it wasn't for that label. Instead, we're going to play stadiums all over the fucking country!” Armitage exclaimed.

“Easy for you to say!” Finn responded. “They don't expect you to churn out brilliant material regularly!”

Ben got up and walked over to Finn, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Finn, calm down. I have some new songs I can contribute. We can do this without it becoming a big deal.”

“I am not inspired twenty-four fucking seven!” Finn yelled, shoving Ben's arm off of him. “I'm about ready to walk.”

Ben glared at Poe until he set his bass guitar down and walked over to Finn, pulling him off into a corner. “Finn, babe, calm down.”

“Do not fucking call me that if you don't mean it,” Finn growled.

“Of course I mean it,” Poe whispered, leaning into him. “You know how much I mean it.”

“Which is exactly why you went home with two groupies last night.”

“So did you!” Poe exclaimed, glancing back behind him at the band. “Look, we'll talk about this later. For now, can you please just calm down and let us get back to rehearsing?”

“I am not writing new material on this tour,” Finn said through gritted teeth. “I want a fucking break.”

“Then take one, babe, and leave the rest to me,” Poe said, kissing him softly. “Okay?”

Finn took a deep breath and looked in Poe's eyes, seeing the pleading in them. “Fine.”

“Thank you, babe,” Poe said, pulling him back over to the band. “Alright, where were we? About to play _Nightfall_ , right? Let's do that.”

Ben watched as Finn adjusted his guitar, then turned towards Poe and mouthed thank you. “Alright, let's do this. _Nightfall_ on three. Finn, count us in.”


	2. Chapter 2

Rey stepped out of the car that had taken her to the stadium in Chicago and looked around, trying to figure out where exactly she was. When she'd said she would let Ben take care of all of the arrangements, she hadn't actually thought he would. But he had, and now she was standing in front of Soldier Field with absolutely no idea what to do next.

“Miss Janrenk?”

Rey looked up at the sound of her name and saw a man walking towards her, dressed in a smart suit with a credential hanging around his neck. She vaguely remembered him from being in the dressing room at the New York club the week before, but she didn't recall his name. “Hello,” she finally remembered to say as he came to a stop next to her.

“I'm Snap Wexley, the band's road manager,” he said, holding out a credential. “This needs to go around your neck. Is this your suitcase?”

Rey put the credential around her neck and turned to see her suitcase sitting on the ground, the driver of the car closing the lid of the trunk. “Yes, it is.”

“Let me get that and then follow me.” Snap picked up the suitcase and then Rey was following him through an entrance and into the bowels of the stadium. “Did you have a nice journey to Chicago, Miss Janrenk?”

“Yes,” she said, smiling as Snap looked over at her. “And call me Rey, please.”

“Then I will.” Snap took her to a room that had a printout of the band's name taped to the wall next to the door. “Ben is in there with the band. I'll take care of making sure your suitcase makes it to the hotel.”

“Thank you, Snap,” Rey said, taking a deep breath before opening the door and walking inside.

“Rey!” Ben stood up immediately and walked over to her, wrapping her up in a hug. “You made it here alright?”

“Yes,” Rey said, rolling her eyes. “Do you think I'd be here if I hadn't?”

Ben just laughed and pulled her over to the sofa he'd been sitting on, pointing across the room. “Rey, it's time to meet the band. You've already been acquainted with Poe. He's the bass guitarist.”

Poe smiled at her from across the room. “Lovely to see you again, Rey. Ben hasn't shut up about you since he saw you last week, so I'm glad you're finally here.”

Ben picked a drumstick off the table and threw it at him. “Don't listen to a word Poe says.”

Rey laughed. “Oh, I don't know about that. That sounds a lot like something you'd do.”

Ben sighed and pointed towards Finn. “Finn Storm, lead guitarist and main songwriter.”

“Ah yes, the one who thought I was a man,” Rey said, laughing when Finn blushed.

“I sincerely apologize for saying that,” Finn said. “But I stand by my statement that Ben never told us what a stunningly beautiful woman you are.”

It was Rey's turn to blush as Ben glared at Finn for flirting with her, and then he turned her gaze towards Hux. “Armitage Hux, rhythmic guitar.”

“Nice to meet you, Rey.”

“Same,” Rey replied.

Ben pointed across the room again. “Kaydel Ko Connix, fellow lead singer.”

Kaydel smiled prettily and held out a hand for Rey to shake. “It's so nice to meet you. I can't wait to get to know you.”

Rey shook her hand and smiled. “Same to you.”

“And that is Rose Tico, keyboardist,” Ben said, pointing her out.

“Wonderful to meet you, Rey,” Rose said.

“Good to meet you too.”

“And last, our drummer Jannah Madell,” Ben said, pointing to the woman to Rey's right.

“Always last. Drummers are always the forgotten ones,” Jannah laughed.

“You don't like the attention!” Hux called out. “Besides, Forten would kill you if he saw you with the groupies.”

“Forten?” Rey asked. “Boyfriend?”

“Soon-to-be husband,” Jannah answered, smiling widely. “He asked me to marry him the night before we left.”

“WHAT?” the rest of the band yelled out, staring over at Jannah.

“He asked,” Jannah said, beaming. “He finally asked!”

The band all launched themselves at Jannah, knocking her chair over backward so they all landed in a pile on the floor. The door to the dressing room opened as Rey started to laugh, and Snap poked his head into the room. “Hey! Nothing that can potentially injure you before the concert!” he called out. “You can do whatever stupid shit you want on stage, but not back here!”

Finn was the first to free himself from the tangled pile of limbs. “Sorry, Snap, but Jannah just told us Forten proposed. We had to!”

Snap just shook his head. “I think a simple hug or two would have sufficed but alright. Congratulations, Jannah.”

“Thanks, Snap,” Jannah yelled out from the bottom of the pile. “Now will you fucking lunatics please get off of me?”

They all made their way back to their seats, Ben pulling Rey onto the sofa with him, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “So, Rey, what's your favorite song of ours?”

Rey glanced over at Ben. “You really want to know?”

“Yes!” Ben exclaimed. “We'll kick off the show tonight with it. We've already discussed it.”

Rey looked around at the band and they were all looking at her anxiously. She slumped down on the sofa and leaned her head back, tilting it to look at Ben. “It's not a single, it's an album track.”

“Even better,” Finn said, sliding to the edge of his seat. “Now tell us so we can start rehearsing.”

Rey took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “ _Back to Wonderland_. That's my favorite song of yours.”

“I wrote that song,” Ben said, nudging her in the shoulder.

Rey opened her eyes. “I know you did. It, um, it's gotten me through a lot of shit.”

“Well, let's head out to soundcheck and get to rehearsing it,” Finn said, grabbing Poe by the hand and pulling him out of his chair. “Come on, you lazy bastards, we have never played that one live. We've definitely got to rehearse!”

“You want to come watch?” Ben asked Rey as everyone else stood up and followed Finn and Poe out of the room.

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “I want to be surprised when I hear it tonight.”

“Okay,” Ben said. “You need something, tell Hera. She should be in here in a few minutes.”

“I will,” Rey said, watching as Ben stood up and walked out of the room. 

As soon as the door shut, she let out a huge sigh, wondering why on earth she had told Ben that was her favorite song. It wasn't a lie. _Back to Wonderland_ had a great beat and featured Ben and Kaydel on vocals, but that wasn't why she was drawn to the song.

She was drawn to it because she was certain that the song had been written about her.

She had known since their days in high school that they shared something special, something that went deeper than friendship. But she also knew that Ben would never be good enough for her in her father's eyes, so she'd never pursued anything more than friendship with him, despite all the times when she could tell he was falling in love with her. She knew she had broken his heart on more than one occasion, and the first time she'd heard _Back to Wonderland_ , it had just been confirmation of what she'd thought.

The music started up a moment later, muffled through the various walls and doors that stood between her and the stage. She leaned back into the sofa and let her eyes close, listening to Ben's voice sing the song that haunted her.

_I feel like I've known you since the beginning of time_  
_I can't remember my life before you entered it_  
_And maybe I'm too wrapped up in you_  
_To see the forest from the trees_  
_But our separation has killed me more than you could ever know_  
_I wanna go back to wonderland_  
_That backyard where we laid underneath the stars_  
_And there we talked about everything in the universe_  
_I should have told you that I loved you then_  
_So I wanna go back to wonderland_

Rey was startled when the door suddenly opened and Hera walked in. “Hi, Hera.”

“Hi, Rey,” Hera said, lugging a guitar case into the room and setting it near where Finn had been sitting. “You're not watching soundcheck?”

“No, I'd rather wait and watch the real performance.”

Hera just smiled at her as she walked towards the door. “Well, maybe tomorrow. Because soundcheck really is the performance. The concert is just an act.”

“I'll think about it,” Rey said, letting her eyes drift closed again, listening to the muffled music and wondering if Ben still felt that way about her.

**********

“So how did Hux end up in the band?” Rey asked hours later when she and Ben were sitting on the edge of the stage, looking out across the now-empty venue. “I know he was the last to join.”

Ben took a swig of his bottle of beer and laughed. “We rented rehearsal space from his aunt, and we showed up there one day and Hux was just sitting there, playing his guitar. He was fucking brilliant at it, so we asked him to jam with us. And once the seven of us played together, something just clicked. It was like Hux was the missing piece we had been searching so hard for. So from that moment on, he was in the band. He dropped out of Fordham once we got the recording contract with his aunt's blessing. She knew he wanted nothing more than to be a musician.”

“I wish I had his aunt,” Rey said, picking up her bottle and bringing it to her lips. “Hell, I wish I had anyone but my parents.”

Ben looked over at her. “Your mom wasn't that bad.”

Rey just laughed. “You haven't been around her lately. Halla is a bitch. I think she thinks she's eligible for sainthood. My father just calls her a whore.”

“They still aren't on good terms, then?”

“My father thought my brother was his child for seven years before she came clean and told him that Arden was one of the servants' sons,” Rey said, taking a long sip from her bottle. “She couldn't even tell him which one of the servants it was. They're never going to be on good terms.”

Ben stared at her in disbelief. “You never told me about that!”

“I didn't know until a few years ago. She got a little too drunk and told a whole dinner party full of people the truth behind the divorce. My father confirmed it to me the next day and then asked that I stop going over to hers. Christ, my family is a piece of work. That's why I stayed around yours so much. Yours was so much better than mine.”

“Mine was far from perfect,” Ben pointed out, reaching behind him and grabbing them each a new bottle. “I preferred yours if you'll recall.”

“Yes, my mother inquired whether we had a new member of the family because you were around so much.”

“I don't remember that,” Ben said, twisting the cap off his new bottle and taking a big sip. “I remember your father saying I could stay in any room I wanted and being amazed since there was what, four hundred and something to choose from.”

Rey reached over and shoved Ben in the arm. “There are only one hundred and thirty-eight rooms in that fucking house, and only fifty-six of them are bedrooms.”

“I was close!”

“Like fuck you were,” Rey said, laughing. “And even with all those rooms to choose from, you chose the one next to mine.”

“I was scared I'd get lost otherwise!”

Rey just shook her head. “Christ, I sound so fucking posh sitting here talking about this.”

“We could talk about your debutante ball if you wanted to get even posher,” Ben said, laughing as Rey shoved him again. “What do you want to talk about then?”

“I don't know. I just like talking to you. I've missed talking to you.”

“I've missed talking to you too.”

Despite that, they slipped into a comfortable silence, listening to the echo of music being played in the dressing room. Rey let her head rest on Ben's shoulder and he smiled and put an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

“How did you get over your stage fright?” Rey finally asked, motioning with her hands to all the empty seats spread out in front of them. “You would have been terrified of this before.”

“I started acting while we were in high school if you'll recall. And then when I got to Columbia, I thought I'd keep doing that, but Finn overheard me singing to myself in the cafeteria and he invited me to come to sing with the band. At first, I turned him down, but he was persistent, and finally, I gave in to shut him up. And then we were in this shitty rehearsal space, and the band started playing some song, I don't even remember what it was now, and I told myself to act like I had confidence in what I was doing. So I did, and eventually, the confidence came, to the point that now I'm a fucking rock star and I wouldn't have it any other way.”

“So you faked it until you could really do it,” Rey mused. “Interesting. I seem to recall you using that technique on girls who terrified you too.”

Ben groaned and let his body fall back until he was lying on the stage. “Oh, you would bring that up, wouldn't you?”

“What, you clearly were going to have fun with a couple of those groupies if I hadn't been there the other night,” Rey pointed out. “And I don't blame you. You're a single man who's a fucking rock star. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don't even know why you're sitting here with me when you could be picking out your entertainment for the night in the dressing room like the rest of the band is doing.”

Ben sat up and wrapped an arm around Rey's shoulders. “I'd rather be with you than any of those groupies. Trust me.”

Rey's earlier thoughts about Ben's feelings for her resurfaced in her mind, and she quickly shoved them away. “So what, you're not going to have sex during the tour because I'm here? Please, Ben, don't go without just because of me.”

Ben laughed. “I don't know what I'm going to do. Tonight, I choose you. Tomorrow night, I may choose them.”

“Please, for everyone's sake, choose them at least once a week.”

Ben couldn't stop himself from giggling. “I am not one of those people who turns into a raving lunatic if I haven't had sex for a while.”

“Still,” Rey said, her voice deadly serious. “Don't spend all your time with me. I want you to have some fun.”

“Spending time with you is fun,” Ben said, leaning over to kiss the top of Rey's head.

“Don't do that,” Rey said, shifting away from him.

“I used to do that all the time,” Ben murmured.

“I know,” Rey replied. “Just don't, okay? Dopheld used to do it too, and yeah, just don't.”

“Are you going to tell me about him?”

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “He's in the past. I see no reason to tell you about him.”

“He was going to be your future at one point,” Ben said, sipping at his bottle.

Rey took a long drink from hers. “Well, he's not anymore. I don't know what my future holds. I might become nothing more than one of those socialites they photograph falling out of clubs at all hours of the morning for a while. That's about as far as my ambition goes at the moment.”

“Well, whenever I'm in New York, you can fall out of the clubs with me,” Ben said, nudging her slightly. “That'll give them something to talk about.”

Rey laughed. “Oh, the socialite and the rock star. Yes, that might generate a few headlines. Your manager would probably hate me.”

“Nah, Lando will fall in love with you, as all men tend to do if I recall correctly. You've had us falling at your feet since you were six.”

“Don't remind me.” Rey tipped back her bottle and polished it off. “Are we out of beer yet?”

Ben looked behind him. “Yes, we are.”

“Then let's go find something else to drink,” Rey said, standing up. “I can't believe you got me to drink beer.”

Ben laughed as he stood up, bending down to gather up the empty bottles. “Don't worry. Some expensive whiskey will be in your hand soon enough.”

**********

Poe slid his key into the lock and opened the door to the hotel room, then grabbed Finn by the elbow and dragged him inside. He backed Finn up against the door to close it, and the moment he'd secured the locks, his lips met Finn's in a passionate kiss. Finn immediately wrapped his arms around Poe's neck and pulled him closer, letting him prey upon his mouth.

They stayed locked together for several moments, Poe's hands running up and down Finn's sides until Poe suddenly broke away and walked further into the room. Finn collapsed back against the door, breathing heavily, watching as Poe dropped down onto one of the beds.

“What the hell are you doing over there?” Finn finally managed to say, looking over at Poe.

“Lying down,” Poe responded, putting his hands behind his head. “Thought I might watch some television before bed.”

“You are a lousy motherfucker,” Finn said, pushing away from the door and stalking over to where his suitcase was sitting.

“What?” Poe asked, faking innocence.

“You know what,” Finn gritted out, slamming his suitcase open and rummaging through it. “Lousy bastard.”

Poe just laughed. “Great gig tonight, yeah? The crowd was amazing, singing along to everything. I could go out there and do it all again right now.”

“Yeah, great gig,” Finn muttered, throwing half the clothes out of his suitcase. “Fucking hell. Don't tell me I didn't pack it.”

Poe's joking manner stopped, and he immediately sat up. “What do you mean, you didn't fucking pack it?”

Finn threw the rest of his clothes onto the floor and then knocked the suitcase down with them. “It's not in there. I swear to fucking God, I checked that I packed it, but it's not fucking in there.”

Poe groaned and collapsed back onto the bed. “Well, what the fuck are we going to do now?”

“I don't fucking know,” Finn said, kicking his empty suitcase. “Fuck! I take it you didn't pack anything?”

“You are the one who packs this shit, not me!” Poe called out. “Of course I fucking didn't.”

Finn turned around and stared at Poe. “What the fuck are we going to do?”

“Go and get some,” Poe said, waving his hands in the direction of the door.

“You fucking go and get some!”

Poe propped himself up on his elbows and stared at Finn. “You are the one responsible for this shit. You go get it.”

The pair continued this argument for a while until Finn was about to go over to the bed and punch Poe straight in the nose. There was a knock at the door before he could, and after a few moments of staring at each other, Finn huffed and made his way over to it, throwing it open. “What the fuck do you want?”

Rey took a step back in surprise at Finn's words, and once his gaze settled upon her, Finn softened. “Rey! I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would be you.”

“It's alright,” Rey said, holding out the paper bag she had. “Here.”

Finn looked at her funnily. “What's this?”

“You, um,” Rey started, blushing slightly. “You two were a little loud with your disagreement and uh, my room's right next door, so I heard you, and well, I know you can't be seen buying this stuff yourself, so I went and did it for you. Just keep it down, yeah?”

Finn watched as Rey turned and walked back into the room whose door was right next to theirs, then opened the bag and stared at the contents. “Holy fuck.”

Poe watched as Finn closed and locked the door, still staring into the bag. “What the fuck did she buy us?”

“What the fuck do you think, Poe?” Finn asked, tossing the bag in his direction and then working quickly to take off his shirt.

Poe looked into the bag and started laughing. He reached inside and pulled the lube and condoms out, then looked up at Finn who was almost naked. “Moving a little fast, aren't we?”

“Nothing is fast enough after that kiss you gave me, asshole. Now take your fucking clothes off so we can put that shit to good use,” Finn said, walking over to the wall and slapping it a few times. “Thanks, Rey!”

“You're welcome!” was heard muffled through the wall as Finn turned and jumped towards Poe.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey was sound asleep in the backseat of the car that had taken her to the stadium when it pulled up to Soldier Field. The driver took a look back at her before climbing out of the car. He looked around and saw Snap walking towards him. “She is asleep.”

Snap nodded and opened the door to the backseat, ducking inside and seeing Rey sitting there, her head lolled to one side and her eyes closed. He undid her seat belt, grabbed her bag, and then carefully slid his arms underneath her, picking her up and removing her from the car. “I've got her from here.”

“Of course,” the driver said, turning back to the car.

Snap carried her into the band's empty dressing room and laid her down on the sofa, then turned around and left the room. Rey was still asleep an hour later when the door to the dressing room opened and the band came filing in, talking among themselves. Ben immediately spotted her and went over to the sofa, kneeling down next to it and brushing a lock of hair from her face.

“Rey,” he said softly, running his fingers along her cheekbone. “Rey, wake up.”

Rey's eyes slowly opened to see Ben staring down at her, and she smiled. “Hello.”

“Hello, darling,” Ben said. “You decided to take a nap while we were doing the interview?”

Rey blinked and looked around the room, realizing she was in the dressing room. “I have no idea how I got here. The last memory I have was in the car.”

“Snap probably carried you in,” Finn said, sitting down across from the sofa and smiling at her. “He's done that with me a few times when I've been exhausted. Oh, and thanks, Rey.”

Rey laughed. “You're welcome, Finn.”

Ben looked between them. “What is that all about?”

“Nothing you need to know,” Finn said quickly.

Ben stared at Finn as Rey sat up, and she reached over to Ben and pulled him up onto the sofa. “Let it go, Ben.”

Ben settled back against the sofa as Rey smoothed out her skirt and leaned up against him. “Fine. How are you today, darling?”

“I've had better days,” Rey said, leaning her head against Ben's shoulder. “How was your interview?”

“Boring as fuck,” Poe declared, sitting down next to Finn and winking at Rey. “They always ask the same stupid questions and we always give the same standard answers.”

“They did ask about the tour this time,” Kaydel pointed out as she sat down. “They said they loved the first show.”

“But of course they're going to say that,” Poe said, letting his hand rest on Finn's thigh. “They're not going to say to our fucking faces that they hated it.”

Ben leaned over to Rey as Kaydel and Poe continued to go back and forth about the interview. “Poe's always afraid people are going to hate our live shows,” he whispered in her ear. “To the point of paranoia.”

“But you guys are excellent on stage,” Rey whispered back. “And the review of the show was positive.”

Ben pulled back and looked at her, his voice rising in volume. “You've read a review of the show?”

The whole room fell silent and everyone turned to look at Rey. She squirmed a little under their scrutiny and nodded. “It was in the paper this morning.”

“Do you still have it?” Poe inquired, sliding his hand down to Finn's knee, making Finn realize that Poe was touching him.

Rey leaned forward to where her bag sat on the table, searching through it as she watched Finn remove Poe's hand from his leg. She grabbed the page she tore out of the newspaper and pulled it out, handing it over to Ben. “I was keeping it to make a scrapbook of this tour adventure, so don't ruin that.”

“You're going to make a scrapbook,” Ben said, incredulous.

“I'm going to hire someone to make a scrapbook,” Rey clarified. 

“Fuck the scrapbook,” Poe said anxiously. “What does the review say?”

Ben looked down at the newspaper page and scanned it quickly. “It's a five-star review,” he said after a moment, pride in his voice. “This is the best part. 'The chemistry of The Rebels has never been in doubt, but it seems to be even stronger on this tour than in past performances. Jannah Madell stands out from behind the drum kit, Armitage Hux is magical on the right side of the stage, there is genuine electricity between Finn Storm and Poe Dameron, Rose Tico is exceptional on the piano, Kaydel Connix's vocals are crystal clear and never out of tune, and Ben Solo looks like a new man after seeming to be tired by the grind during their last tour.' They fucking loved us.”

Poe sighed heavily in relief and slumped down in his chair. “Oh, thank Christ.”

“Lando's going to zero in on that 'genuine electricity' between us line,” Finn said, looking over at Poe. “He won't be happy.”

“We have always flirted on stage,” Poe said, shaking his head. “Lando encourages that. He'll probably love that review.”

Ben laughed. “So are you two admitting that something is happening between you then?”

“No,” Poe said, standing up and walking towards the door. “There is not a thing happening between us.”

Poe slammed the door shut behind him and Finn sighed, standing up and walking after him. Once Finn had left the room, the other band members burst out laughing.

“I've got twenty bucks that says they find a closet to fuck in,” Jannah said, tossing the bill onto the table.

Rey looked over at Ben, confused. “They won't even admit it to you guys?”

“Poe's super sensitive about it,” Ben said, looking over at Jannah. “I've got twenty that says Snap finds them and marches them back in here first.”

“Twenty that says they get caught by Hera,” Rose said, standing up. “I'm going to go call Finch.”

Rey looked over at Ben as Rose walked out of the room. “Finch?”

“Finch Dallow, her fiancé. He's a director,” Ben said, looking over at Kaydel. “What about you, Kaydel?”

Kaydel sighed. “Ten that says they don't get caught.”

Everyone then looked over at Hux, who just shook his head. “I'm not getting involved in this. It always costs me money.”

“Come on, Hux,” Jannah said, leaning back in her chair. “Join in the fun.”

Hux just rolled his eyes. “Betting about whether Finn and Poe are going to fuck is not fun.”

“That's because you always bet they won't and you're always wrong!” Ben exclaimed, laughing. “Come on, man.”

“Fuck off,” Hux said, standing up and walking out of the dressing room, much to the amusement of Ben, Kaydel, and Jannah.

Rey snatched the newspaper page back from Ben and returned it to her bag. “I don't even want to know how many times you've bet over this, or what Finn and Poe think about it.”

“Poe thinks it's hilarious because he claims nothing happens. Finn, not so much,” Jannah said, standing up when her phone started ringing. “That is Forten.”

Ben watched as Jannah walked out of the room and then slid an arm around Rey's shoulders. “Why were you sleeping in the car on the way over here? Did you not get enough sleep last night?”

“No,” Rey said. “Finn and Poe kept me up.”

Kaydel burst out laughing and Rey couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. “It was alright. It's not like I've never been kept up by listening to someone fuck before. Walls between apartments are thinner than I thought they would be.”

“I didn't realize you had the room next to theirs,” Ben said. “I'm sorry. I should have warned you about what they're like the first night of a new tour.”

“It's fine,” Rey said.

“I'll make sure you have the room next to mine tonight,” Ben said seriously. “If I have any female entertainment, they won't be staying all night.”

Rey laughed. “Female entertainment. So that's what you call the groupies, huh?”

“Well, I'd rather spend the evening with you, to be honest,” Ben said, looking over at her. “I enjoyed our post-concert chat last night. But someone told me to have fun on this tour, so tonight I just might.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “You should be having fun,” she said. “Do not worry about me.”

“I can't not worry about you, Rey,” Ben said, squeezing her shoulder. “All you tell me you've been through, and I'm supposed to think that you're perfectly fine?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“You know that we’re just concerned about you,” Ben said. “Your relationship with Dopheld was a big deal.”

Kaydel turned away and quickly put headphones on as Rey sat up and fixed a glare on Ben. “Who did you talk to?”

“Your father called me after he discovered you were going to follow the band around,” Ben said sheepishly. “I may have asked him some questions I had.”

“He called you?” Rey asked, seething. “That lousy son of a bitch! He promised me he wouldn't.”

Ben watched as Rey searched through her bag for her phone, then sank back against the sofa as she started to type a message furiously. “He's worried about you, Rey.”

“I could fucking kill you both right now,” Rey spit out, sending the message and tossing her phone onto the table. “What the fuck else did he tell you?”

“He told me how wonderful Dopheld was,” Ben said quietly. “He said that he didn't understand why you weren't still with him.”

“I was only with Dopheld to make him happy,” Rey said angrily. “It certainly wasn't to make me happy.”

“Please don't be angry,” Ben murmured. “I just wanted to know more about what happened since I last saw you, and for the first time, your father seemed pleased to be talking to me.”

“My father hates you,” Rey said, slumping down on the sofa.

“I've always thought that as well,” Ben said, shifting around so he was facing her. “But he said he'd heard some of the band's music, and that he was glad that I'd succeeded at something.”

“That's because he thought you weren't going to succeed at anything,” Rey said, sighing heavily and leaning into Ben. “Next time you want to know something about me, talk to me, you lousy bastard. Don't talk to my fucking father of all people.”

“I will, Rey,” Ben said sincerely. “I promise.”

Rey leaned her head against Ben's chest and breathed in his scent. “I'm not mad at you.”

Ben dropped a kiss onto the top of Rey's head and smiled. “I know you told me not to do that either, but I can't help myself.”

Rey spent another moment lying against him, thinking about how many times in the past she'd been cradled against Ben, usually lying underneath the stars in the backyard of her father's estate. Then she pushed herself back to sitting upright and looked at Ben. “Yes, I nearly married that motherfucker. Yes, that relationship completely changed me as a person. No, I do not want to ever speak about this again. Are we clear?”

“Perfectly,” Ben said, glancing at his watch. “I should go round up everyone. We've got soundcheck soon. Are you going to come watch?”

“Maybe in a while,” Rey said, sighing. “I need to call my father first.”

“Don't be too hard on him,” Ben said. “He's just worried about you.”

“I'm sick of people worrying about me,” Rey murmured. “I'm perfectly fine.”

“So you keep saying,” Ben muttered as he stood up. “I'll see you there. Kaydel! Come on! Soundcheck!”

**********

Rey blinked the sleep out of her eyes as her phone's alert tone went off on the bedside table. Shaking her head, she reached towards it and clicked through to the message, scanning it quickly with her eyes.

_I can't get this girl to leave my room. Help!_

Laughing, Rey sat up and flicked on the bedside lamp, typing out a message back.

_What am I supposed to do? You're the one who took her back to your room, Ben._

Another message arrived a few moments later.

_Only because you wanted me to! I would have much preferred to spend the evening with you! And just come knock on my door or something. Please? I'm begging you._

Rey sighed and stood up, looking down at her pajamas before deciding she should probably be wearing actual clothes if she was going to go knock at Ben's door. She set the phone down and quickly changed into the dress she'd been wearing earlier, then walked into the bathroom to make sure her hair looked alright. A few minutes later, she grabbed her phone and her room key and headed out into the hall, looking around for a moment before typing another message to Ben.

_Room number?_

_1486_ , came the response, and Rey walked down the hall, checking to make sure she stopped at the right room. When she was certain, she stepped in front of the door and knocked on it.

“Ben, darling. Are you in there?” Rey could hear a female voice ask who that was and smiled. “I've just arrived, love, and I'm tired. Open the door.”

The door opened moments later, Ben leaning up against it with nothing but a sheet wrapped around his waist.

“Thank you,” he whispered before raising his voice. “Charlotte, I was wondering when you were going to get here. Come in, please.”

Rey gave him a confused look at the use of a different name and walked into the room to find a tall brunette standing naked next to the beds. “Oh, I see you have company.”

“She was just leaving,” Ben said, picking up the woman's bra and tossing it at her.

Rey turned to Ben and clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “So much for being faithful, huh?”

Ben sighed and walked over to Rey, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I said I'd try.”

“You obviously didn't try very hard,” Rey said, pulling away from him and glancing over her shoulder at the now half-dressed woman.

“You didn't tell me you weren't single,” the woman said accusingly.

“Would it have mattered?” Ben asked, looking over at her.

The woman stared at him for a moment before sliding her dress over her head. “No, not really.”

“That's why I didn't tell you,” Ben replied, pulling Rey back close to him. “It was fun, Emma.”

“It's Emily,” the woman said, slipping on her shoes and walking towards the door. “And it wasn't that fun.”

Ben watched as the woman walked out of the room, then darted towards the door and locked it. “Thank you so much. That was an absolute disaster.”

“How was it a disaster?” Rey asked, sitting down on the bed that was still made. “You picked a girl, you got laid, and you got her to leave.”

“You got her to leave,” Ben said, collapsing down onto the other bed. “I was too drunk, she was too willing, and I certainly didn't call her by the right name. It wasn't exactly satisfying.”

“Right, the whole Emma-Emily thing.”

“No, it was a different name than that,” Ben said, having the decency to look embarrassed. “Fuck, I hope she doesn't go to the papers. I should call Lando and warn him that she might.”

“Call Lando in the morning,” Rey said, shifting around until she was lying on the bed. “Sleep now or you'll be really hungover tomorrow.”

“Are you staying here then?”

“I was asleep when you texted me,” Rey said, closing her eyes. “The least you can do is let me crash on your extra bed.”

“Okay,” Ben said, grabbing one of the pillows and shoving it under his head. “I'll buy you breakfast in the morning.”

“Sounds good.”

They laid there in silence for what felt like hours, and then Ben shifted onto his side, looking over at Rey. “Rey, you awake?”

The only response he got was silence, and he took a deep breath.

“I called her Rey,” Ben whispered. “That's why I called you Charlotte when you got here, so she wouldn't put two and two together. I wasn't lying when I said I'd rather have spent the evening with you.”

Rey listened to every word that Ben said but couldn't bring herself to reply. Her mind was too busy swirling with the thought that Ben wanted to be with her like that. They'd only been reacquainted for a little over a week. How could he possibly know that he wanted her in that way? _Because he's always loved you_ , her mind supplied.

She opened up her eyes and looked over at him, only to find his head lolled to the side and him sleeping soundly. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes once more, trying to block out her thoughts and let sleep take her.


	4. Chapter 4

_From this vantage point, I can see the whole world_  
_And it doesn't mean a thing, baby_  
_From this vantage point, I can see the whole universe_  
_And it doesn't mean a thing, baby_  
_Without you by my side, I might as well be blind_  
_The story of us is long and complicated_  
_But isn't that what makes it worth it in the end?_  
_The right one, that's what you are_  
_The perfect one for me_  
_The right one, that's what you are_  
_The only one for me_  
_Ooh, the right one baby_

Ben spun around from the microphone and walked towards Jannah's drum kit, reaching for a bottle of water as Finn and Poe started in on the guitar and bass solos. He glanced over at the side of the stage and saw Rey standing there, drink in hand, chatting away with Phasma. He caught her eye and she smiled at him. He smiled back and took another sip of water, then made his way back to the microphone to sing with Kaydel.

“Come on Denver, sing along with us!”

_From this vantage point, I can see the past_  
_And it doesn't mean a thing, baby_  
_From this vantage point, I can see the future_  
_And it means everything, baby_  
_You shy away from me because you're scared of how you feel_  
_But I'm just as terrified as you are_  
_I never thought I'd meet someone like you_  
_But now that I have, there's no doubt in my mind that you're home_  
_The right one, that's what you are_  
_The perfect one for me_  
_The right one, that's what you are_  
_The only one for me_  
_Ooh, the right one baby_

From the side of the stage, Rey took a long sip of her whiskey and leaned in closer to Phasma. “They're incredible, aren't they?”

“They really are,” Phasma said back, staring at Hux. “Hux is so sexy in his stage outfit.”

Rey had never really paid any attention to what the band wore on stage before, but as she looked at Hux, she took in the perfectly-fitted pants, the long-sleeved shirt with an asymmetrical neckline that clung to Hux's every muscle, and the fedora that was perched upon his head. She turned her attention to Ben just in time to see him strip off his patchwork jacket to reveal a tight white t-shirt that said Peace And Love on the front of it. He was also wearing a pair of perfectly-fitted pants, and a quick glance at the rest of the band showed her that they all were except for Kaydel, who was wearing a dress.

“Yeah, they all look amazing,” Rey said, taking in the rest of the band's fashion as she sipped at her drink.

“So, are you and Ben doing it?” Phasma asked suddenly, causing Rey to nearly choke.

“Excuse me?”

Phasma looked over at her and laughed. “Come on, it'll stay among us girlfriends. I promise I won't say a thing to Hux about it.”

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “We're not.”

Phasma gave her a skeptical look. “Oh, come on. You can't tell me that you have the opportunity to be bedding that,” she said, pointing over to where Ben was getting the crowd to wave their arms back and forth, “and that you aren't doing it.”

“Yes, I am,” Rey said, her eyes locked on Ben. “He's my best friend.”

“Who is in love with you,” Phasma pointed out, shrugging when Rey whipped her gaze around to her. “What? Hux told me. Also, it's totally obvious.”

Rey sighed heavily and polished off her drink, turning around and waving her empty glass at Hera, who just nodded and took off towards the dressing room. “I know he is,” she admitted as quietly as she could. “But I don't know if I feel the same way about him.”

“That's exactly the dilemma I find myself in with Hux,” Phasma called out. “He is head over heels for me, but I just don't know about him. I'm totally too young to be settling down.”

“So just tell him that,” Rey suggested. “If he loves you as much as you say he does, he'll understand.”

“Hux and I don't exactly have the kind of relationship where we talk about things,” Phasma said, smiling when Hera suddenly was holding a glass of wine in front of her. “Thanks, Hera. Anyway, our relationship is more physical than anything else.”

Rey quickly thanked Hera for the new glass of whiskey and turned back to the stage, watching as Finn and Poe came to sing into Ben's microphone with him. “Well, maybe you should do some talking then.”

“And maybe you and Ben should be more physical.”

Rey sighed again. “I've known him since I was six.”

“So what?”

“Every time I think about what it would be like to have sex with him, the image of six-year-old him pops into my head, and I can't go any further.”

“Ooh, yeah, I can see how that would be a buzzkill,” Phasma said, sipping at her wine. “You're just going to have to push past that.”

“I don't know if I can,” Rey murmured.

Back on stage, the band was just about done with their set, and Ben stepped up to the microphone to speak. “Alright, Denver, one more for you! This one is about an absolutely beautiful woman that I am privileged to know, and I want to dedicate this one to her. So this is for you, Charlotte.”

Ben turned and looked straight at Rey as the opening notes of _Back To Wonderland_ started to play, and Rey nearly dropped her drink. Instead, she quickly spun around and started walking away from the side of the stage.

Phasma followed her, somewhat confused. “You know the band's coming on to do an encore after that song, right?”

“You can watch if you want,” Rey said, heading towards the dressing room. “But I can't watch him sing that song again. It hurts too much.”

“Why? Because it's about some woman named Charlotte?”

Rey stopped and spun around, seeing a truly confused Phasma staring at her. “No, it hurts because I _am_ Charlotte. It's a name he said...it's too complicated to explain. But I am Charlotte, and goddammit, that fucking song is about me.”

Rey spun back around and stalked into the dressing room, collapsing onto the sofa. She set her glass down on one of the tables nearby and then ran her hands over her face. She had absolutely no clue what to think about Ben. She'd been waiting to see if he would make a move ever since that night in his hotel room in Minneapolis a week before, but he hadn't done a thing until now.

She had no idea what to do, but she did know someone who might. So she sat up and found her bag, pulling out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts until she found the one she was looking for, and then she pressed the right button to connect the call. She leaned back against the sofa as she heard it start to ring, smiling when she heard it answered.

“Hey Zorii, it's Rey. Do you want to come hang out with the band for a little while? My treat. I really need you here.”

When she heard the shrieked yes on the other end of the phone, Rey relaxed. “I'll arrange everything. You start packing, and I'll call you back later. Alright, talk to you soon.”

Rey hung up the phone and tossed it back into her bag. It wouldn't be hard to convince Ben to arrange things so she could fly Zorii into the next city they were headed to.

In fact, Rey thought she could probably talk Ben into just about anything at that moment. He was so lucky that she had no desire to take advantage of him.

**********

“I cannot believe I'm going to be in the same room as Poe Dameron,” Zorii squealed into Rey's ear, clutching at her elbow. “Oh my God, you are totally introducing me.”

Rey looked over at her easily excitable friend and smiled. “You'll meet the whole band. Calm down.”

“Why did you keep the knowledge that you know Ben Solo to yourself for so long?” Zorii asked, letting go of Rey's arm. “We could have been getting the VIP treatment at Rebels concerts for years!”

“I hadn't talked to him in years,” Rey said. “Besides, I wouldn't have taken advantage of Ben like that, despite the fact that The Rebels are your favorite band.”

Zorii just grinned at her. “This is amazing. Thank you.”

“Don't thank me yet,” Rey said, shaking her head. “And don't think I'm doing this and wanting nothing in return. You've got to help me figure out what to do about Ben.”

“Why don't you just give him a chance, Rey?” Zorii said seriously. “Christ, if Ben Solo was in love with me, I'd give him a chance.”

“You know why,” Rey said, walking away from Zorii and collapsing onto her bed.

Zorii turned towards her. “You cannot hang on to the memory of Dopheld forever. You're going to have to move on, Rey.”

“He called me.”

“And you answered? Rey, you know better than to do that.”

“He apologized.”

Zorii walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. “For being a dick, for cheating on you, or for beating the shit out of you?”

“He never beat the shit out of me,” Rey protested.

“He laid a hand on you; that's enough for me. And listen to yourself, Rey. You're still making excuses for him.”

“I am not,” Rey sighed. “He apologized for everything, wants to meet up for drinks when the tour hits Los Angeles.”

“You better have told him no,” Zorii warned, knowing when Rey covered her face with her hands that she hadn't. “Rey!”

Rey sighed again. “I deserve that.”

“You are not going to that meeting with Dopheld,” Zorii declared. “I don't care if I have to get Ben involved to stop you from going. You are not going.”

“Ben will be too busy with groupies to care,” Rey said, looking up at Zorii. “I've been encouraging him to pick them up.”

“Fucking hell,” Zorii said, standing up and walking to her suitcase. “You are really fucking this up.”

“I can't just sleep with him, Zorii. I need my best friend. I don't want to lose him over this.”

“Why can't you look at it as enhancing your relationship with each other instead of ruining it?” Zorii asked, pulling her makeup bag from her suitcase and heading towards the bathroom. “If everything you have told me is true, that man has been in love with you since he was a boy. And you've been in love with him too.”

“Of course I love him,” Rey said, running her hands over her face. “He's my best friend.”

“He's a hell of a lot more than that,” Zorii called out.

“How can he be a hell of a lot more than that when I didn't speak to him for a decade?” Rey asked. “I knew how to get a hold of him and I didn't. That's gotta mean something.”

“Yeah, it means that you were completely fucked up after the Dopheld affair, and you didn't get your head out of your ass until about three months ago,” Zorii said, sticking her head out of the bathroom doorway. “You finally decided not to wallow in misery and the first thing you did was tell me that you needed to get back to what made you happiest, and what made you happiest was being in Ben Solo's presence. And after I nearly killed you for never telling me you know Ben Solo, you told me you were going to find some way of getting in contact with him.”

“Yeah, but I didn't,” Rey pointed out. “It was by chance that I ran into Leia that day.”

“That wasn't chance,” Zorii said, “that was fate. Fate telling you to go to that concert and get your man.”

Rey groaned and threw a pillow towards the bathroom. “He's not my man!”

“Well, he should be,” Zorii said, ducking back into the bathroom. “And I'm going to do my best to make sure it happens.”

“This is not what I brought you here for.”

“Maybe not, but this is what I came for!” Zorii yelled. “And maybe, possibly, to meet Poe Dameron!”

“Great,” Rey said to herself. “Just great.”

**********

Zorii was deep in discussion with Poe about something, and Rey was watching as Finn subtly checked on them every once and a while. She could tell that Finn wasn't happy about Poe's flirting, but knew he couldn't do anything about it either. Rey stood up and refilled her drink before sitting down next to Finn, smiling at him as he tuned a guitar.

“Sorry about her.”

“Nothing to be sorry about, Rey,” Finn said, glancing over at Zorii and Poe again. “He can do whoever and whatever he wants. That's part of the deal.”

Rey watched him for a moment then leaned closer. “Does he even realize all the songs you write are about him?”

Finn looked over at her and shook his head. “How did you know?”

“It's kind of obvious once someone knows about the true nature of your relationship,” Rey said quietly.

“Well, he's oblivious as usual,” Finn said, turning his attention back to the guitar. He played a few strings then went back to tuning it. “Do you realize that every song Ben has written is about you?”

Rey's jaw dropped and she stared over at Finn in shock. “They are not,” she stuttered out. “I mean, _Back to Wonderland_ is, but not all of them.”

“I think you should listen to them again,” Finn said, glancing over at her. “With a fresh perspective. Then try telling me they aren't about you.”

“For someone who thought I was a man,” Rey said, “you seem fairly confident that those songs are about me.”

“I apologize again for my drunken idiocy. And it was obvious once I realized the truth of your relationship with Ben,” Finn murmured, glancing over at Zorii and Poe again. “Ben has literally not stopped talking about you since you showed up at the surprise gig. He's driving us crazy. We keep telling him to do something about it, but he won't. Not until you give him a sign that it's okay.”

Rey looked up as the dressing room door opened and Ben walked in, talking to Hera. He caught her gaze and smiled brilliantly at her, and she couldn't help but return it.

“See,” Finn said quietly. “He makes you smile like that.”

“That doesn't mean anything,” Rey said, turning her attention back to Finn.

“Maybe it doesn't to you, but it certainly does to him.” Finn played a few notes on the guitar and then stood up. “I'm going to go write a song.”

Rey watched him glance over at Zorii and Poe again as he walked out of the dressing room, and she sighed. She didn't want to deny Zorii what she wanted, but she didn't want Finn to be hurt either.

“You look lost in thought,” Ben said, sitting down in the chair Finn had just vacated. “Everything alright?”

“Fine,” Rey said, smiling at him. “Finn said he was going to go write a song, and I was thinking about how brilliant it's going to be.”

“Yes, he does have a talent for that,” Ben said, reaching behind him and grabbing a beer off the table. “He's always very patient with me when I am in the writing process. I know my stuff isn't anywhere near as good as his.”

“I think your songs are brilliant too.”

“You're too kind,” Ben said, taking a long sip of his beer. “I think they only turn out so well because I have such a beautiful muse.”

“Are you going to tell me who that muse is?” Rey asked, turning her gaze away from Ben.

“A writer never gives away his muse,” Ben said, making Rey look at him. “I'd love to know who Finn's muse is.”

Rey laughed. “You can't tell?”

“Tell what?” Ben asked.

“Nothing,” Rey said, shaking her head when Ben looked at her with pleading eyes. “Nope, I'm not telling.”

“How can you know who Finn's muse is and I don't?”

“Sometimes it's a case of being too close to the forest to see the trees,” Rey said, knocking back her drink. “How long until soundcheck?”

“About half an hour,” Ben said, sliding his chair closer to Rey's. “Tell me about Zorii?”

“We met at Georgetown. Her dad is the U.N. Ambassador. He keeps wanting her to get involved in politics but right now she's busy trying to write a book. The Rebels are her favorite band and she is currently in heaven talking to Poe.”

“She's an author?”

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “She's just writing a book.”

“Is she going to try to get it published?”

“I have no idea. I think she's just doing it to keep her father from making her take the bar exam. She went to law school.”

“If you've known her since Georgetown, that means she's been around when I wasn't, right?”

Rey looked over at Ben and put a hand on his knee. “You've got to get over this. We both made mistakes over the past decade. I'm sure there were plenty of times when I could have helped you out. You know there were plenty of times when I needed your help but didn't have it. We've just got to put it behind us and forget about it. Then we can move on.”

“But there is just so much I wasn't there for,” Ben said passionately. “So many major life things that you went through. I just joined a band, dropped out of college, and somehow became famous.”

“And if you don't think that is a major life thing, then you are an idiot,” Rey said, squeezing Ben's knee before standing up and searching for the bottle of whiskey. “Christ, only touring with a band would have me drinking whiskey at all hours.”

“Rey, the way I remember you and whiskey, you'd be drinking it with breakfast if you could.”

Rey laughed as she poured herself another drink. “Good point,” she said as she sat back down. “I think I'm going to watch soundcheck today.”

“Good,” Ben said. “I always like it when you watch soundcheck.”

**********

The band was mostly finished with soundcheck when Ben noticed that Finn was brooding over in his corner of the stage instead of interacting with Poe like he always did. That meant that Finn had noticed Poe's desire to make Zorii that night's conquest and that Ben had to do something fast to get his lead guitarist and his bass guitarist on the same page for that night's concert.

“Finn!” Ben yelled out. “Grab your guitar and get over here!”

Finn looked over at Ben like he was insane but did as he was told. “What?”

“I think tonight would be a great night to throw a cover into the setlist,” Ben said, grinning. “And I know exactly which one.”

“You couldn't have told me this over there?” Finn asked, glancing behind him to see Poe over at the side of the stage, talking to Zorii again.

“No,” Ben said, leaning in close. “Three words. Franz Ferdinand. _Michael._ ”

Finn turned his attention to Ben and sighed. “I always sing that one.”

“Exactly,” Ben said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in front of the microphone. “And you can sing it tonight.”

“Ben, no,” Finn said, shaking his head. “Not tonight.”

“Tonight is perfect,” Ben replied. “It'll get his attention away from her.”

Finn went to argue with Ben then stopped himself. Ben just grinned and walked over to Rose, Kaydel, Hux, and Jannah, telling each of them what they were going to play next. He didn't go over and tell Poe, preferring instead for him to learn what song they were practicing by letting him hear the opening notes.

Ben went over to Finn's microphone and then nodded at Finn, and Finn looked back at everyone before launching into the beginning of _Michael._ At the sound of the music, Poe's head whipped around, and Ben grinned as Finn started to sing.

_This is where I'll be, so heavenly_  
_So come and dance with me, Michael_  
_So sexy, I'm sexy_  
_So come and dance with me, Michael_  
_I'm all that you see, you wanna see_  
_So come and dance with me, Michael_  
_So close now, so close now_  
_So come and dance with me_  
_So come and dance with me_  
_So come and dance with me_

Poe made his way over to Finn, picking up his bass guitar on the way. He got as close as he could to Finn and started playing along, leaning into the microphone to sing with him.

_Michael_  
_You're the boy with all the leather hips_  
_Sticky hair, sticky hips_  
_Stubble on my sticky lips_  
_Michael_  
_You're the only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Beautiful boys on a beautiful dance floor_  
_Michael, you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore_  
_Michael, waiting on a silver platter now_  
_And nothing matters now_

Ben caught Rey's eye and grinned at her, pointing at where Finn and Poe were now turned towards each other, playing and singing as though they were the only two in the stadium.

_This is what I am, I am a man_  
_So come and dance with me, Michael_  
_So strong now, it's strong now_  
_So come and dance with me, Michael_  
_I'm all that you see, you wanna see_  
_So come and dance with me, Michael_  
_So close now, it's close now_  
_So come and dance with me_  
_So come and dance with me_  
_So come and dance with me_

“That is so fucking sexy,” Zorii said as Rey giggled. “You think I could convince Finn to join me and Poe tonight?”

“I think you're going to have trouble convincing Poe to leave Finn to join you tonight,” Rey said, her giggles turning to a full-blown laugh when Poe suddenly let go of his guitar and grabbed Finn, spinning him around the stage as though they were dancing on a dance floor.

Ben was cracking up on the other side of the stage, and everyone else eventually stopped playing, watching with amusement as Poe continued to dance with Finn. In the middle of their dance, Finn suddenly started singing again, determined to finish off the song.

_Michael, you're the boy with all the leather hips_  
_Sticky hair, sticky hips_  
_Stubble on my sticky lips_  
_Michael, you're the only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Beautiful boys on a beautiful dance floor_  
_Michael, you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore_  
_Michael, waiting on a silver platter now_  
_And nothing matters now_  
_Michael, you're the only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Michael, you're the only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Only one I'd ever want_  
_Beautiful boys on a beautiful dance floor_  
_Michael, you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore_  
_Michael, waiting on a silver platter now_  
_Nothing matters now_  
_Nothing matters now_  
_Oh yeah_

When Finn had finished singing, Poe pulled him as close as he could with their two guitars hanging between them. “You are so fucking sexy when you sing that song,” Poe whispered into Finn's ear. “I could rip your clothes off right here.”

Finn pulled back with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Too bad you've already picked out your entertainment for the night then, isn't it?”

Finn pushed Poe backward then walked over to where Ben was, giving him a slight nod. “Thanks, Ben.”

“You're more than welcome, Finn. We're totally doing that number tonight, right?”

Finn looked back at Poe, who was staring at him with confusion on his face, and started to laugh. “You better fucking believe it. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I think we are done with soundcheck.”

Poe watched as Finn set his guitar down and walked off the stage, then glared over at Ben. “Somehow, I don't know how, but somehow I know that this is your fault.”

Ben just burst out laughing. “It's no one's fault but your own, Poe.”

“You're in trouble,” Hux said teasingly, laughing when Poe spun around and turned his gaze to him. “Whenever Finn is singing _Michael_ , you should know that you've fucked up.”

“I completely agree,” Kaydel said, following Hux, Rose, and Jannah off the stage.

“I do not have to listen to this,” Poe declared, walking back to the side of the stage and pulling Zorii away from Rey. “Let's continue our earlier discussion, shall we?”

“Gladly,” Zorii said, letting Poe take her hand and following him.

Rey walked out onto the stage where Ben was still messing around with a microphone. “You did that on purpose.”

“I had to get Finn out of his mood before the gig started,” Ben said, smiling at her. “That song usually does it. Of course, usually, they go work off the sexual tension before the gig starts, but that's not going to happen tonight. Should make the show electric, especially when we play that again.”

Rey laughed. “You manipulator.”

“Hey, I'm just doing my best to keep my band happy,” Ben said, walking over to her and wrapping her up in a hug.

“Who keeps you happy?” Rey asked, breathing in Ben's scent.

“You do,” Ben said seriously, bending down to brush his lips across the top of Rey's head. “I know you told me not to do that but I'm afraid I just can't stop.”

Rey leaned further into his embrace. “That's okay. I think I'm getting used to it again.”

“What do you want out of life, Rey?” Ben asked suddenly. “You can't just follow a band around for the rest of your life.”

“Who are you, my father?” Rey responded, pulling out of their embrace. “What the fuck kind of question is that?”

“I just want to know,” Ben said, looking at her sincerely. “If you could do anything in the world right now, what would you do?”

Rey thought about it for a few moments, then started to laugh. “You know what I'd do right now? At this very moment? I'd get my Masters in Japanese. That's what I'd do.”

“Masters in Japanese, huh?” Ben wrapped his arm around Rey's shoulders and started walking them off the stage. “You would pick something completely odd like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously didn't write the lyrics to Franz Ferdinand's _Michael_.


	5. Chapter 5

They were backstage in Los Angeles when Zorii tore herself away from Poe long enough to notice that Rey was exchanging text messages with someone on her phone. She watched silently as Rey laughed at something the other person had said, and that's when it hit her exactly who Rey was exchanging messages with. “Rey, what the fuck are you doing?”

The whole band turned their attention to the girls when Rey looked up at Zorii, her eyes narrowed into a glare. “Don't even start with me, Zorii.”

“You're texting him?” Zorii said disapprovingly. “Rey, you know better than that.”

“He's in Los Angeles,” Rey said defensively. “We're going to get drinks tonight after the show.”

“Like hell you are,” Zorii said, stalking over to where Rey was sitting and taking the phone away from her. “Do I need to remind you about everything that is wrong with Dopheld again? Because I will.”

“Wait,” Ben said. “You're meeting up with Dopheld?”

Rey couldn't meet Ben's gaze. “Yes.”

“Like hell you are,” Zorii said again. “No way, Rey. I'm not letting you anywhere near that guy.”

“I am a grown woman who can make her own decisions,” Rey said angrily. “You do not get to decide what I do with my life.”

“Rey,” Ben started, only to be interrupted by Zorii.

“Do I need to show you the pictures of the bruises Dopheld gave you? Because I have them all on my phone.”

Rey looked at Zorii like she was insane. “You kept those?”

“You better fucking believe I kept those! They could have been used as evidence if you'd ever been brave enough to press charges against the bastard.”

“There was nothing to press charges over,” Rey said quietly. “You're overreacting again.”

“No, you're back under his spell again,” Zorii said, sitting down and grabbing Rey's hand. “I'm not letting you out of my sight tonight. Now text him back and tell him you are not meeting him for drinks.”

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “He said he has things he wants to tell me in person. I want to hear him out.”

“No fucking way, Rey,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I'm with Zorii. We're not going to let you out of our sight.”

Rey stood up and started walking towards the dressing room door. “Fuck you both.”

She walked out of the room and started heading towards her left, with absolutely no clue where she was going. She ended up at the side of the stage, and she sat down, leaning up against one of the speakers, and let the tears that were threatening begin to fall.

Deep down, she knew Zorii was right – she was under Dopheld's spell again. He knew exactly how to sweet talk her into anything, and he was using that to his advantage. But she knew that he loved her, in his own way, and she missed the feeling of being in love with someone so much.

She was finally willing to admit to herself that she was lonely, even though she was spending all her time with Ben and the band. Yet now that she had him back in her life, she was still doing everything she could to keep him from getting too close to her. She didn't even know why she was doing it.

Except she did know. She'd known since she was a fifteen-year-old girl who saw Ben on the first day of school. She'd felt the butterflies in her stomach that day, the nerves coursing through her when Ben came up to her and gave her a big hug. She'd wanted him ever since, but because she knew her father would never approve, she'd kept him at arm's length. And she was still doing it, even though she'd sworn to herself that her father's opinion didn't matter anymore.

“Rey?”

She looked up and saw Finn peering down at her, concern on his face. “Hi, Finn,” she murmured, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Finn set his guitar to the side and sat down next to her, giving her a soft smile. “You okay?”

“I don't know,” Rey said honestly. “I'm so confused.”

“Well, I know it's not my place, but from what Ben and Zorii were just discussing in the dressing room, I feel like I should tell you that Dopheld sounds like a real dick.”

“I know he is,” Rey said, sniffling. “But he loves me.”

Finn just shook his head. “No, Rey. Ben loves you. It sounds like Dopheld controls you.”

Rey leaned her head back against the speaker and sighed heavily. “You really think Ben loves me?”

“I know he does,” Finn said. “He's so worried about you wanting to meet with Dopheld. He really wants to go with you just so he can punch this guy for laying a hand on you. I think the rest of the band wants to join him, to be honest.”

“I'm scared,” Rey admitted. “I thought he'd be over me by now, that we could just go back to being friends.”

“If you think about it, I think you'll find that you've never really just been friends,” Finn said. “Ben's gone through your whole story for the band on numerous occasions. He talked about you endlessly even when you weren't around. I don't think he's ever going to get over you.”

They both jumped at the sound of someone coughing to get their attention and glanced up to see Ben standing there. “Can I talk to Rey alone, Finn?”

“Of course,” Finn said, giving one last smile to Rey before standing up and walking away.

“Are you alright?” Ben asked, concern evident in his voice. “I'm worried about you.”

“Sit down,” Rey said, patting the space next to her that Finn had just vacated.

Ben did as he was told, reaching over to take Rey's hand in his. “Rey, tell me that you're not going to meet this guy. Think about how much he hurt you.”

“I don't know,” Rey said honestly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Why didn't you ever make a move on me?” Rey practically whispered. “All those years ago.”

Ben sighed heavily and squeezed Rey's hand. “Honestly? I was afraid you'd reject me.”

“And now?”

“I'm still afraid you'll reject me,” Ben murmured. “Why would you want some soon-to-be-washed-up rock star when you could have your pick of the elite? Your father was pretty confident you'd be marrying an oil tycoon soon when he called me.”

“I'm not marrying an oil tycoon. My father has no idea what makes me happy,” Rey said, shaking her head. “He never has.”

“So what makes you happy then?”

Rey could hear the nerves in Ben's voice, and she looked over at him. “You do.”

Ben looked up at her and saw the smile that was crossing Rey's face. “You make me happy too.”

“I know you don't want me to do this, but,” Rey started, but Ben interrupted her.

“But nothing. Tell me you're not going to meet Dopheld,” Ben said. “Please.”

Rey just shook her head. “I don't know.”

“Rey, please don't.”

“Ben! Soundcheck!”

“I'll think about it,” Rey said, standing up and heading off the stage as the rest of the band started walking on to it. 

“Rey! Come on!” Ben called out, but Rey just kept on walking.

**********

Rey walked into the bar that Dopheld had picked out, looking around for her former fiancé. She spotted him at a table near the back and made her way to it, taking a deep breath as she approached it. “Hello, Dopheld.”

“Rey,” Dopheld said, standing up. “You look incredible.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, sitting down after Dopheld had pulled out her chair for her.

“I'm so glad you agreed to meet me,” he said as he sat back down. “I wasn't sure if you would. I've already gotten you a drink.”

Rey smiled as Dopheld pushed a glass of whiskey in front of her. “Well, at least you remember that correctly.”

“I remember a lot more than that,” Dopheld said. “God, Rey, I was such a fool.”

Rey picked up the glass and sipped at it. “I think I was the fool, Dopheld.”

“No, it was definitely me,” Dopheld said, turning his glass of beer around in circles. “I never should have left you.”

Rey sighed and took another sip of her drink. “For what it's worth, I'm extremely glad I didn't marry you.”

“But we make such a great team,” Dopheld said, reaching across the table and clutching Rey's hand. “Rey, you cannot deny the chemistry we share.”

“Oh, yes, I can,” Rey said, pulling her hand away. “It's all a lie, Dopheld. Everything between us was a lie.”

Dopheld shook his head and waved down a waitress. “Can we get the lady another whiskey? Thank you.”

“I do not need another drink,” Rey said.

“Yes, you do, love. You're clearly not drunk enough to listen yet.”

“Do not call me that,” Rey said, setting her glass down on the table. “And why do I need to be drunk to listen? I think you just don't like what it is I'm saying.”

The sound of people talking in the bar suddenly got much louder, and Rey looked behind her to see The Rebels filing into the bar, Zorii, Hera, Snap, and a host of bodyguards right behind them. Rey sighed inwardly, knowing the only reason the band was in this bar was that she was there with Dopheld. She caught Ben's eye as they made their way further inside, and all Ben did was smile back at her.

“Rey, love,” Dopheld said, drawing her attention back on him. “I've already spoken to your father. He agrees that our engagement should be back on.”

“What?” Rey exclaimed, staring at Dopheld like he was insane. “You actually think that I still want to marry you?”

“A better situation for you is not going to come along,” Dopheld said, smiling at the waitress when she set the new glass of whiskey on the table. “You know that I'm the best you're ever going to get. You can only dream of someone better. I mean, there are few people in the world with enough money to match my family's.”

Rey took a moment to keep herself from reaching out and slapping Dopheld, then picked up the full glass of whiskey and threw it in his face. “You listen to me, you bastard. You are nothing to me. I don't give a fuck about how much money you have, what my father thinks, or whatever scenario you thought was going to play out tonight. I never want to see or hear from you again, Dopheld. Is that understood?”

“Rey, honestly,” Dopheld said, reaching for a napkin. “You know what you're giving up here. You know you're making a big mistake.”

Rey stood up. “No. I'm really not. Fuck you, Dopheld.”

She walked away from the table and headed for the exit, walking straight past where the band and their friends were sitting and heading out into the warm night. She didn't know where she was or what direction to go in so she just started walking. Anything to get away from where Dopheld was. What had she been thinking in agreeing to meet with him? 

What had she been thinking in even _talking_ to him?

She heard her name being called out behind her, but she didn't stop walking, didn't turn around to see who it was. She just had to get out of there. After walking several blocks, she felt a hand close around her elbow, and she spun around, fully prepared to give Dopheld the slap he really deserved when she noticed it wasn't Dopheld, but Ben.

“Rey,” he said, breathing heavily. “You walk really fast.”

“I didn't know it was you,” Rey said, letting Ben pull her into an embrace. “I thought it was Dopheld.”

Ben held her close and brushed a kiss on the top of her head. “He's not here, Rey. It's just me.”

They stood there for a few minutes before Rey looked up at Ben and smiled. “Kiss me,” she murmured, sighing happily when Ben bent down and brought their lips together. She wrapped her arms around Ben's neck and pulled him closer, losing herself in the kiss. Ben's hands slid down her back and then wrapped around her waist, holding her the way he'd always wanted to. 

They eventually broke apart and Rey rested her head on Ben's shoulder. “We should have done that a really long time ago.”

“I agree with that,” Ben said, holding Rey closer. “We'll just have to do it a lot to make up for lost time.”

“I never should have met him,” she murmured. “I should have listened to you and Zorii.”

“I think you needed closure,” Ben said. “I think you needed one last reminder of what a fucking dick he is.”

Rey slapped at Ben's shoulder, shaking her head. “You don't even know him.”

“I don't need to,” Ben pointed out. “Zorii told me enough about him for me to know that if I ever see him again, I'm probably going to get myself arrested for assault.”

Rey pulled back. “You are not,” she said sternly. “But I am never going to see him again.”

“Good,” Ben said, glancing behind him to see Snap and one of the bodyguards standing a few blocks away, monitoring the situation. “Back to the bar? Or to the hotel?”

“Bar,” Rey said, smoothing down the front of her dress. “I need whiskey.”

“What if he hasn't left?”

“Then he gets to see me moving on with a fucking rock star,” Rey said, linking her hand with Ben's. “Come on, I know you guys only came to the bar because I was there, but you might as well enjoy it.”

Ben smiled at her and they turned around, heading back towards the bar. “I'll enjoy it a lot more now that you'll be sitting with us instead of with that bastard.”

“Just stop talking about him,” Rey said, smiling at Snap and the bodyguard she still didn't know the name of as they approached. “Sorry, guys. I'm sure you didn't want to follow him so far away from the bar.”

“It's fine,” Snap said, starting to walk with them back towards the bar. “It's my job to follow Ben when he goes running after a beautiful woman.”

Ben groaned as Rey laughed. “So this is not the first time you've had to do this.”

“Oh no,” Snap said, smiling at her. “Ben likes to chase beautiful women.”

“Well, hopefully, I won't be having to chase after anymore,” Ben said, squeezing Rey's hand. “I've finally got the one I want.”

Rey smiled at him and let Ben wrap an arm around her shoulders. This was going to be a good thing, she told herself. Ben was a good thing.

**********

“I think Finn is starting to hate Zorii,” Ben said, looking over at Rey. “He hasn't been able to sleep in his hotel room for three weeks.”

“I know,” Rey said, glancing at the other side of the dressing room to see Zorii and Poe flirting with each other yet again. “I can't tell her to stop without telling her about Finn and Poe though, and then she'll ask Poe, and he'll deny it, and we'd be right back where we started.”

“He's told Hera to get him another hotel room tonight since he can't crash with Hux because Phasma's here, and crashing with one of the girls is something that makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't want to disrupt either one of us either.”

Rey turned her attention to Ben. “Do they think we're sleeping together?”

“Probably,” Ben said quietly.

“And you haven't bothered correcting them?” Rey inquired.

“No,” Ben said sheepishly. “I mean, it's going to happen, so why not just let them think it already has.”

“What happened to you not wanting to besmirch my honor?”

Ben laughed. “I did promise you that, didn't I?”

“Yes, you did,” Rey said seriously. “I'm not sleeping with you, Ben.”

Ben looked at her with some concern. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “It's not you. It's me. I'm really, really far away from wanting to have sex with you. If you can't handle that in the meantime, then have at it with the groupies.”

“Rey, I'm not going to mess around with groupies now that we're together.”

“We are not together,” Rey declared. “We are exchanging kisses. That is it.”

Hurt flared up in Ben's eyes, and Rey leaned forward and kissed him softly. “You've got to give me time, Ben. I'm not ready for a relationship.”

“Fine, we're not together. What we're doing means nothing,” Ben said, pulling away from her and standing up. “I'm going to go find Finn.”

“Ben, don't,” Rey said as he started to walk away.

“No, Rey,” Ben said, not turning around to face her. “This is what you want. Not what I want. Just remember that.”

Rey sighed as Ben slammed the dressing room door shut and Zorii looked over at her. “Are you fucking things up already, Rey?”

“I am not fucking things up,” Rey said bitterly. “I am trying to keep things from becoming fucked up.”

Zorii just sighed and shook her head. “Which means you're thinking and therefore fucking things up. Why can't you just let yourself feel, Rey?”

“Because the last time I did that, I got hurt,” Rey said, standing up and walking towards the dressing room door. “Hurt badly in a lot of different ways.”

She walked out of the dressing room and found herself face to face with Rose. Before she could say anything, Rose smiled and pointed to the right. “Ben is on the stage with Finn.”

“Thanks, Rose,” Rey said, walking off in that direction. She heard their voices as she got closer to the stage, and she decided not to interrupt them, standing off to the side of the stage.

“Please, Finn, please help me,” Ben was saying. “This song has to be perfect.”

“You're a perfectly capable songwriter. Just fucking write it.”

“I can't,” Ben said, a pleading tone to his voice. “I've tried.”

“Then keep trying,” Finn said, playing a few notes on his guitar. “I've got my own songs that I'm working on.”

Ben sighed heavily. “She doesn't want to be with me.”

“Did she say that?”

“More or less.”

“What did she say?”

“She said we're not together. We're just exchanging kisses. She's not ready for a relationship.”

Finn played a few more notes. “That doesn't sound like a 'fuck no, it's never going to happen.' It sounds like 'slow the fuck down, I need some time.'”

“I have waited half my life for this,” Ben said. “Now I have to give her time?”

“If you want her, you will give her time,” Finn said. “It's that simple.”

“Is that why you let Poe get away with all the shit he gets away with?”

The sound of some badly played notes echoed through the air, and then Finn sighed. “Let's just say that it's been made clear to me that Poe and I have no future together. So he gets to do whatever, or whoever, the fuck he wants.”

“Even though that hurts?”

“I've always known that I'm more invested in this than Poe is,” Finn said. “I've always known that I'm the one who's going to get hurt. Rey's not trying to hurt you. She's trying to protect herself. I mean, if her last relationship was with that Dopheld guy, then I think it's safe to say that she got really fucking hurt and she's still trying to piece herself back together. She can't give herself over to you until that's happened.”

“If you think I didn't notice that you just changed the subject back to me, you're wrong.” Ben groaned and leaned up against an amplifier. “You still won't help me with the song?”

“It'll mean more if you write it yourself,” Finn said. “Besides, you've written gorgeous songs about her. It shouldn't be hard to write another one.”

“Fine,” Ben said, walking over to the piano and sitting down. “I'll try.”

Rey decided that she'd heard enough and walked away. She made her way back into the dressing room and sat down on the sofa, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. Zorii was right. She was fucking everything up.


	6. Chapter 6

_Come nightfall, I'll be on my way to you_   
_Come nightfall, you'll know that I am true_   
_When the sun fades away below the horizon_   
_That's when I'll come to show you how I feel_   
_We'll sit in your backyard beneath the stars_   
_And I'll tell you all the things I want to_   
_And as night falls, we'll fall in love again_

“I love this song,” Phasma said as Kaydel sang, her eyes glued on Hux. “Another Ben Solo gem.”

Rey nearly choked on her drink. “Ben wrote this?”

“Well, Ben and Finn, but Ben wrote the lyrics,” Phasma said, looking over at her. “Are you alright, sweetie? You look kind of pale.”

“I'm fine,” Rey said, exchanging glances with Zorii as Phasma turned her attention back to the stage.

“Exactly how many songs has Ben written about you?” Zorii whispered.

“I don't know,” Rey said honestly. “But I'm starting to think that it's a lot.”

_Come nightfall, we can get lost together_   
_Come nightfall, this dance we're doing can come to an end_   
_All you have to do is trust me_   
_I promise that you won't regret it_   
_We'll sit in your backyard beneath the stars_   
_And I'll tell you all the things I want to_   
_And as night falls, we'll fall in love again_

Finn's guitar solo started as Kaydel pulled away from the microphone, and Ben looked over at Rey and flashed her a smile. Rey returned it shakily, quickly bringing her drink to her lips. She took a long sip and then forced herself to take a deep breath. She was not going to get caught up in the emotions she was feeling. 

_Come nightfall, we'll be together forever_   
_Come nightfall, everything will fall into place_   
_We'll sit in your backyard beneath the stars_   
_And I'll tell you all the things I want to_   
_And as night falls, we'll fall in love again_

Rey turned away from the stage and started walking towards the dressing room, Zorii following moments later.

“Rey?”

By the time Rey made it into the dressing room, the tears were flowing down her cheeks. Zorii took one look at her and wrapped her up in her arms. “Rey, what is it?”

“I can't do this,” Rey sobbed. “I just can't do this.”

Zorii held her closer. “Rey, listen to me. You can do this. You've got to trust someone again. He's a great guy, honey. He's completely and totally in love with you.”

“He's in love with an idea,” Rey cried. “He doesn't know me anymore.”

“Then let him get to know you,” Zorii said calmly. “Let him fall in love with who you are now.”

“But what if he doesn't?”

“That's the risk we all take,” Zorii murmured. “I can't guarantee you that he won't hurt you. But I'd say it's a very safe guess that he won't.”

“I'm so lonely, Zorii,” Rey said, sniffling as she tried to stop crying. “And I'm sick of being someone I'm not.”

“Then be yourself,” Zorii said, reaching up to brush the tears off Rey's face. “If he can't love you, then he's an idiot who doesn't deserve you.”

Rey sniffled again, then turned around and searched for her bag. “God, I probably look terrible now.”

“No, you don't.”

Rey pulled a compact out of her bag and opened it, taking in her reflection. “Fuck, Zorii, don't lie to me.”

“I'm not,” Zorii said, pulling the compact out of Rey's hands and tossing it back in her bag. “Come here. I'll fix your makeup, and by the time the guys get back here after the show, no one will know any different.”

Rey gave her a shaky smile. “Thank you.”

“Anything for my best friend,” Zorii said, pointing at the sofa. “Sit down. Do you want another drink? You could probably use one.”

“I need something stronger than a drink,” Rey admitted. 

“Well, I'm sure we can find that somewhere around here,” Zorii said. “You let me handle that, okay?”

Rey just nodded as she sat down on the sofa, wishing she could rewind to a decade earlier and fix all the mistakes she'd made. But she couldn't, and no amount of wishing was going to change that.

By the time Zorii had handed her a fresh drink, Rey had nearly convinced herself that it would all be okay.

**********

“Telling Ben should be easy,” Rey said as she looked into the mirror. “All I have to do is knock on his door and say, 'Hello, Ben. I have a recreational drug problem and I'm probably an alcoholic.' That's it. Then I can walk away.”

“I wouldn't suggest going about it that way,” Zorii said from where she was lounging on the bed. “He's obviously going to have questions.”

“That doesn't mean I have to answer them,” Rey said weakly, lighting up another joint.

“It does if you want to have any kind of relationship with him,” Zorii pointed out. “I don't think he's going to freak out, but you never know. I obviously don't know him as well as you do.”

“Have I thanked you for getting me this yet?” Rey murmured, taking a long drag from the joint. “Because thank you, Zorii.”

“Don't thank me, thank Hux,” Zorii said. “He's the one who knew where to get it.”

“Hux?” Rey exclaimed, turning around to look at Zorii. “Are you serious?”

“Totally serious,” Zorii said. “I asked Poe and he told me to ask Hux. So I asked Hux, and he told me exactly where to go, exactly who to ask for, and exactly how much it would be.”

“Speaking of which, let me pay you back,” Rey said, reaching for her bag. 

“Not a chance,” Zorii said, sitting up. “You're paying for me to be traveling around with the band. The least I can do is pay for your weed.”

“Share it with me then,” Rey said, holding out the joint in Zorii's direction. “Come on.”

Zorii stood up and made her way over to Rey, taking the joint and having a drag off it. “Not too much for me. I want to be able to have sex with Poe tonight.”

“What is going on with you two anyway?” Rey asked, taking the joint back and collapsing down on her bed. “I want to know.”

Zorii sighed and leaned up against the shelving unit the television was sitting on. “I'm not sure, actually. We talk a lot. We have a lot in common. We have really good sex. But it's almost like he's not totally interested in me.”

“That's 'cause he's not,” Rey said before slapping her hand over her mouth. “Shit, the weed is making my tongue loose.”

“Tell me,” Zorii demanded.

“It's just that I know that he's got a thing going on with someone else,” Rey said, trying to keep from saying who that other person was. “I don't know how seriously he takes it though because he's obviously interested enough in you to be sleeping with you.”

“Hm,” Zorii murmured. “I was wondering if he had a girl back in New York or something. Really doesn't surprise me. He's quite the catch.”

“You're just saying that because he's your favorite rock star.”

“No, I'm saying that because he's a really nice guy,” Zorii said, walking over to the bed and taking the joint again. “Like, nicer than I was expecting. I was expecting an asshole to be perfectly honest. He talks about all kinds of interesting things and he's always worried about Finn. In fact, I was telling him that I was thinking we should set Finn up with Jessika.”

“What?” Rey said, staring up at Zorii as she smoked the joint. “Finn and Jessika?”

“You know she would fall for Finn in a second,” Zorii said, handing it back to Rey. “She's so jealous that you asked me here and not her.”

“I should have told you not to tell Jessika,” Rey said, sighing. “I'll talk to Ben about it, see if he will agree to another of my friends hanging out.”

“So you are going to talk to Ben. Good.”

“Not tonight,” Rey said, taking another drag off the joint. “He took three groupies back to his room.”

“Three?”

“Three,” Rey confirmed. “He certainly didn't seem to care about this relationship he thinks we have.”

“Maybe that's because you all but told him to fuck off earlier,” Zorii pointed out. “You really fucked this up.”

“Are you just going to stay in here and tell me off about Ben all night?”

“I'm waiting for Poe to text me. He said he had some band stuff to do with Finn first.”

Rey let out a laugh at just what sort of 'band stuff' Poe and Finn were probably up to. “What are you going to do after he texts you?”

“Probably drink in the hotel bar until we can't take our hands off each other, then race back up to the room and have sex all night,” Zorii said, a huge grin on her face. “If there's one thing I can say about him, it's that he's got some stamina.”

“I really didn't need to know that,” Rey said, closing her eyes as she took another drag. “You know what happens when I think about having sex with Ben? I remember him as a six-year-old.”

Zorii burst out laughing. “I bet that would change if you saw him naked.”

“I'm afraid I'd just start laughing if I saw him naked,” Rey said. “God, this is why people who have been friends as long as we have should not hook up.”

“Don't think that way. You've got to at least give him a fair chance. And to do that, you've got to tell him everything.”

Rey opened her eyes and propped herself up so she could look at Zorii. “I really don't want to. He's going to be so disappointed in me.”

“Rey, no one is disappointed in you,” Zorii said, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Well, except for your father, but who gives a fuck about him.”

“My father is one of the most influential men in this country. He can't have his baby girl going around doing drugs and being a drunk,” Rey stressed. “How is no one disappointed in me but my fucked up father?”

“Because we all know that what your father says is bullshit,” Zorii said firmly. “Do you know how many influential people in this country have children that are way, way worse than what he perceives you to be? Because it's a lot.”

“I know,” Rey said softly. “I just...Christ, I've let myself get so fucked up, Zorii.”

“Have you been talking about this with your therapist?” Zorii asked.

“Do you think I actually went to therapy?” Rey asked, laughing when Zorii's eyes widened. “Don't be so surprised.”

“That's supposed to help you not be so fucked up,” Zorii said, reaching out and taking away the joint. “You're not doing the things that are supposed to help you, Rey. Why not?”

“Because I don't want to,” Rey said, taking the joint back as Zorii's phone started beeping.

Zorii checked the message quickly. “That's Poe. Are you going to be okay if I leave you here?”

“I'll be fine,” Rey said, bringing the joint to her lips. “I'll just be getting high and passing out soon.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay then,” Zorii said, standing up. “I'll see you at breakfast.”

“Enjoy your night!”

**********

It took Rey a few moments to realize someone was knocking at her hotel room door, but once she did, she got up and staggered over to it. After getting the locks undone, she opened it and found herself face to face with Ben. 

“Rey, can we talk?”

Rey stared at him for a minute. “Aren't you supposed to be frolicking naked with three women in your hotel room?”

“I invited them up for drinks and conversation and just sent them on their way,” Ben said seriously. “May I please come in so we can talk?”

Rey moved away and let Ben inside, leaning heavily on the door to close it. “What is there to talk about?”

“I shouldn't have gotten up and walked away from you this afternoon,” Ben said, his eyes catching the bag of weed and stack of papers on the table. “Are you smoking marijuana?”

“Yes,” Rey said, collapsing back on the bed. “Don't lecture me.”

“I wasn't going to,” Ben said, turning towards her. “I was going to ask if I could have some.”

Rey looked up at him. “You smoke too? Have at it.”

“Not very often,” Ben said, sitting down at the table and grabbing one of the rolling papers. “I smoke every once and a while with Hux while we're on the road, but I prefer to keep my mind clear most of the time.”

Rey laughed. “Well, that makes telling you about my recreational drug problem a little easier.”

“You do anything other than smoke?” Ben asked, rolling his joint and bringing it up to his lips so he could lick the paper shut. 

“Cocaine on occasion,” Rey murmured. “Really could have gone for that tonight but Zorii was only able to get me this. I’m trying to kick that part of my habit though.”

Ben picked up the lighter and lit up. “Ask Hux next time.”

“I think Zorii did ask Hux about this. That's what I remember her saying anyway.”

“She with Poe again?”

“Of course.”

Ben took a long drag off his joint and sighed. “Good shit.”

“Yes, it is,” Rey said, reaching for the ashtray where she had put her own joint. “So what do you want to talk about, Ben?”

Ben took another drag off the joint then stood up, making his way over to the bed and collapsing onto it next to Rey. “I'm not sure we should talk while we're on this.”

“Oh for fuck's sake, Ben, it's just some weed,” Rey said, rolling onto her side to face him. “This might be the only way I can tell you what I need to tell you, to be honest.”

Ben blew smoke up into the air and then turned to look at her. “What do you have to tell me that you didn't this afternoon?”

Rey took a long drag off of her joint. “Alright, I'm just going to say it and then you can ask questions. I have a recreational drug problem and I'm probably an alcoholic. The week before Dopheld broke our engagement, he threw me down some stairs. I ended up with a broken shoulder blade and a concussion. That was not the first nor the last time he hit me. To be perfectly honest with you, there are a lot of times when I wish I was dead because I don't like life and I haven't for a very long time. But I think that if I could just get myself to trust you completely, I might start to like life and myself again. There.”

Rey rolled onto her back and took another drag off her joint, listening to the awkward silence that hung in the air between them. After a few minutes of it, she sighed heavily. “Say something, Ben.”

Ben took a long drag off his joint. “Bloody fucking hell. How the fuck did you ever get mixed up with Dopheld? He sounds like a motherfucking asshole.”

“My father suggested that I spend a semester at Trinity College Dublin in Ireland. He thought it would be a good experience for me,” Rey said. “I met Dopheld there. He was also on an exchange. We started dating, and then I went back to Georgetown and he went back to Harvard, and when we were done with that, we moved back to New York to be together. That's when he turned into a monster.”

“And your father still thinks it's best that you be with him?”

“My father doesn't know about a lot of this,” Rey murmured. “I've never told him about most of it.”

Ben suddenly shifted around until he was hovering over Rey, staring down at her. “Did you think I was going to hate you over this?”

“I didn't know what you were going to think,” Rey whispered. “But I didn't think it was going to be good. I thought it would change your opinion of me in an unfavorable manner.”

Ben set his joint in the ashtray and plucked Rey's out of her hand, doing the same with it. Then he lowered himself onto her gently, bringing their lips together in a deep, lingering kiss. Pulling away after a few moments, Ben looked down at Rey with absolute sincerity.

“Rey, there's absolutely nothing you could tell me that would make me not love you.”

“Not even if I told you I murdered your mother?”

Ben chuckled. “You would never do that, but no, I suspect not even then.”

“Say it then,” Rey demanded. “Let me hear you say it.”

Ben pressed their lips together briefly, then pulled away. “I love you, Rey. I've loved you for so long I don't even know how long it's been. It's like I woke up one morning and realized my best friend was my world. This decade away from you, it killed me.”

“It killed me too,” Rey whispered, pushing Ben over onto his back and climbing on top of him. “Do you know how long I've been keeping myself from falling for you?”

Ben had that brilliant grin of his across his face. “You're falling for me?”

“Of course I am,” Rey said, stealing a quick kiss. “Have been since I was fifteen. I just knew my father would never approve, so I kept my distance, even when I could tell that you were falling for me. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made.”

“And what about your father now?” Ben asked.

“I don't give a fuck,” Rey said, bending down for a hard kiss. 

“That's my Rey,” Ben said, sliding his hands underneath Rey's t-shirt. 

Rey groaned as Ben's hands slid up her back, arching into his touch. “I can't have sex with you yet.”

“That's okay,” Ben said, kissing her again. “I can wait.”

“You're really okay with this?” Rey asked as Ben pulled her shirt up and over her head, leaving her sitting there in her bra and skirt. “The drugs and alcohol?”

“I'm in a band, Rey. Drugs and alcohol are kinda part of it,” Ben said, pulling Rey down to him and kissing along her neck. “Besides, are we not smoking together right now?”

“I don't know what we're doing right now,” Rey admitted, leaning into Ben's touch. “But God, don't stop.”

“I'm undressing you,” Ben murmured. “Just down to your underwear. Then I'm going to strip down to mine, and we're going to get in bed, finish off these joints, and get some sleep. Sound good?”

Rey could barely concentrate with the way Ben's hands were sliding over her skin. “Amazing.”

Rey felt his hands slide down to her skirt and she rolled off of him and the bed, standing up and letting her skirt drop to the floor. “Get your clothes off.”

Ben scrambled off the bed and stripped down to his boxer briefs, then grabbed Rey around the waist and pulled her flush against him, kissing her deeply. Rey let him for a few minutes before she reached up and pushed him back onto the bed.

“Into bed, Ben. I want to finish my joint.”

Ben shifted around as Rey pulled the bedding out from under him, then she joined him underneath it. Ben reached over to the ashtray and got their joints, giving Rey hers before taking a long drag off his own.

“Are you going to stay the night?” Rey asked in between drags.

“Of course I am,” Ben replied, pulling Rey closer. “You're going to have a hard time getting me out of your bed now that I've gotten into it.”

Rey blew out some smoke and turned to kiss him. “Good.”


	7. Chapter 7

“I want to go for a walk,” Rey said as she stared out the window of Ben's Austin hotel room. “I suppose you can't do that.”

Ben walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I think I can probably get away with it if I wear a hat.”

Rey spun around in his embrace and smiled. “Then let's go.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Rey said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door. “Come on, Ben, please?”

“Let me get my hat!”

Rey waited impatiently by the door as Ben fished a baseball cap out of his suitcase and then they were walking out the door and down the hall towards the elevator. Snap was standing there and he took one look at the baseball cap before shaking his head. 

“No.”

“Snap, come on,” Ben pleaded. “Rey wants to go for a walk.”

“Then Rey can,” Snap said firmly. “But you are not leaving this hotel until it's time to head to the venue this afternoon.”

“No one is going to know it's me!”

“I will know it's you,” Snap said, moving to block the elevator buttons. “And Lando is mad enough at you already.”

Ben gave Snap a confused look. “Why is Lando mad at me?”

“You haven't looked at your phone yet this morning, have you?”

Ben pulled the device out of his pocket, noticing that he had several messages. “Christ, Lando. What the fuck could he be so mad at me for?”

“They got pictures of you and Rey in Los Angeles,” Snap filled in as Ben started reading through the messages. “They were able to identify her as well.”

Ben turned around and started walking back to his hotel room, leaving Rey standing there with Snap. “I take it this is bad, Snap?”

“Let's just say Lando is less than happy,” Snap said. “And Ben is now on a very tight leash for the rest of this tour.”

“Great,” Rey murmured. “Thanks, Snap.”

Snap shrugged. “Just doing my job, Rey.”

Rey turned around and walked down to Ben's hotel room, knocking on the door gently. “Ben? May I come in?”

Ben opened the door a moment later, a mixture of fear and anger on his face. “I've got it up on my laptop. Fucking snaps.”

Rey walked into the room and over to where Ben's laptop was on the table, sitting down and scrolling through the article and looking at the pictures. “Fuck, they got us kissing?”

“Yes,” Ben said, collapsing onto the bed. “Our intimate, private moment is now all over the internet.”

Rey read through the article, determining that they had to have spoken to someone who knew her history with Ben because the article talked about how they'd known each other since they were children. “I wonder who they talked to.”

“It doesn't really matter,” Ben sighed. “It's done. It's out there. Our relationship is no longer ours.”

“We technically don't have a relationship,” Rey pointed out, turning around in the chair to look at him. “You can just tell Lando to announce that.”

“No,” Ben said, running his hands over his face. “I'm not lying to my fans. And yes, we technically have a relationship.”

“I'm not arguing with you about our nonexistent relationship,” Rey said, standing up and walking over to the bed, sitting down on its edge. “And what's wrong with lying to your fans? Rock stars do that all the time.”

“I promised myself that if I ever fell in love with a woman, I wasn't going to lie to the fans about it,” Ben said, taking Rey's hand in his. “I know that we have a lot of fans who are going to be very disappointed to learn that I'm off the market, but they have adjusted to Hera, Finch, and Phasma, they can adjust to you too.”

“If that's the way you want it,” Rey sighed. “I guess I can be okay with that. My father is going to freak out though. You're still not good enough for his baby girl.”

Ben pulled Rey down and kissed her softly. “I think I can handle your father. Besides, I thought you didn't care.”

“I don't care,” Rey said, kissing him again. “He will probably speak to the press though. It's not just you that the media is going to close in on. I somehow end up in tabloids every month when I'm not even trying to.”

Ben laughed. “The socialite and the rock star. We're going to be quite the pair, aren't we?”

“We always have been,” Rey said, smiling. “I think that Snap is right. We shouldn't risk it right now.”

“I know you're right, but now I really want to go for a walk with you. I want to show the world just how much I care about you.”

Rey shifted around so she was straddling him, then reached down and pulled her shirt off. “How about you start by showing me, hm?”

Ben looked up at her and grinned. “I can do that.”

“No sex,” Rey warned, bending down to kiss him. “But I'm sure you can come up with something else to make our time worthwhile.”

“I'm sure I can,” Ben said, capturing Rey's lips in a heated kiss. He rolled Rey over so she was underneath him and started trailing kisses down her neck, sliding his arms along her sides. He had just slid his arms underneath her to unhook her bra when his phone started to ring, and he groaned from frustration. “That's Lando. I've got to answer it.”

Rey kissed him one more time before Ben crawled off of her, reaching for his phone. While Ben tried to get a word in between Lando's long monologues, Rey reached down and took off her skirt, throwing it so that it landed on Ben's head. Ben plucked it off of him and turned to look at her, sighing happily at the sight before him. He pulled the phone away from his ear and put it on speaker, crawling back on top of Rey and kissing her firmly.

“...one rule, Ben. I gave you one fucking rule. Don't get photographed with the lady friend. And you told me that shouldn't be a problem. And yet here I am, staring at photographs of you and the lady friend. Do you even listen to a word I say? Or is it your goal in life to make mine more miserable? You listen to me and you listen well. You're not going to be out of Snap's sight for the rest of this tour. You don't get to go out exploring. You don't get to wine and dine the lady friend. You don't get to see anything but the inside of the bus, the inside of the venue, and the inside of the hotels. Do I make myself clear?”

Ben pulled away from Rey briefly. “Yes!”

Rey laughed as Ben started sucking at the skin along her collarbone, and Lando groaned through the phone.

“Are you with the lady friend right now?”

When Ben didn't answer, Lando started yelling again.

“I swear to God, you fuck up again, Ben, and I am going to be on a plane to wherever you are so fast you can barely blink! You're not even listening to me! You're too busy fucking the lady friend!”

Ben pulled himself away from Rey and reached for the phone. “Yes, and you're interrupting me. Goodbye, Lando.”

He hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, smiling down at Rey. “Now, where were we?”

**********

_She's beautiful standing there, leaning up against the bar_  
 _Among the darkness, she shines just like a star_  
 _In a form-fitting dress that hugs her curves just right_  
 _Making me want to hold her in my arms so tight_  
 _Oh, I'm gonna dizzy up the girl, dizzy up the girl tonight_  
 _Get drunk on each other as we dance away the night_  
 _Oh, I'm gonna dizzy up the girl, dizzy up the girl tonight_  
 _Get her drunk on me, loved up on me alright_  
 _Oh, I'm gonna dizzy up the girl, dizzy up the girl tonight_

Rey and Zorii were dancing with each other at the side of the stage, enjoying the dulcet tone of Ben's voice as he sang _Dizzy Up The Girl._ Snap was standing there with them, laughing as Rey spun Zorii around.

“You girls are having fun tonight.”

Rey and Zorii just descended into a fit of giggles.

“I think we may have had too much, Rey,” Zorii finally said, grabbing at Rey and spinning her around. “We're giddy.”

Snap watched them for a few moments before reaching out to steady Rey as she lost her balance. “Maybe what I should be asking is what you girls are on tonight?”

“Ecstasy!” Zorii called out, spinning around. “Purple butterflies!”

Snap sighed and let go of Rey. “And where did you two get that?”

“A woman never tells,” Rey said, bringing her finger up to her lips and shushing Snap. “But we got it from Hux.”

“Hux's doing ecstasy now?” Snap sighed again, looking out at the rhythmic guitarist. “He's getting more and more into the drug scene. I think it's Phasma's doing. God only knows what those models are always on.”

_Spot her on the dance floor moving her hips to the song_   
_Make my way through the crowd as she starts to sing along_   
_Catch her eye and drag her away from the guy she's with_   
_Wrap my hands around her waist and pull her as close as I can_   
_Oh, I'm gonna dizzy up the girl, dizzy up the girl tonight_   
_Get drunk on each other as we dance away the night_   
_Oh, I'm gonna dizzy up the girl, dizzy up the girl tonight_   
_Get her drunk on me, loved up on me alright_   
_Oh, I'm gonna dizzy up the girl, dizzy up the girl tonight_

Rey turned around and grabbed her glass of whiskey off the piece of equipment it was sitting on, downing half of it in one sip. “Snap, you should be having more fun!”

“I'm working,” Snap replied, moving around to a spot where he could see if the guitar that Finn needed for the next song was on stage. “I'm also keeping an eye on you two.”

“We don't need to be watched!” Zorii exclaimed. “We're only dancing!”

“Sorry, ladies, but this is Lando's orders. And since he's the one that signs my paycheck, he gets listened to.” Snap looked behind him as Rey slammed her drink back down on the equipment. “I'm not sure you should be drinking on top of the ecstasy.”

“Too late,” Rey said, turning back to the show and watching as Ben and Finn leaned up against each other, singing along to the bridge of the song. “I've had a lot to drink today. It didn't start out very well.”

“Rey got a proper yell from her father,” Zorii called out, reaching for her friend. “Then she got some proper comfort from her boyfriend.”

“I don't have a boyfriend!” Rey said, spinning Zorii around. “I have Ben!”

“Same thing!”

“No, it's not!”

“Please, you know _People_ is preparing a feature about you two as we speak.”

“They may be,” Rey said, leaning up against Snap. “But that doesn't make Ben my boyfriend.”

“What do you think, Snap?” Zorii asked, prompting Snap to hold up his hands. 

“I don't have opinions on things like this.”

“Oh come on, Snap,” Zorii pleaded. “Wouldn't you call what Ben and Rey are up to at least a relationship?”

“I am staying out of this,” Snap said, prompting Rey to pat him on the chest.

“You're a good man, Snap,” Rey said, turning to look at Zorii. “If anyone has a relationship, it's you!”

Zorii shook her head. “Poe and I are a tour fling. We've already decided that.”

“Shame,” Rey said, pushing herself back upright. “Make sure you get in a threesome with Finn before it's over.”

Snap's head whipped around as Rey's eyes widened. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing,” Rey said, shaking her head. “I said absolutely nothing.”

Zorii looked at them, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Snap and Rey said at the same time.

Zorii stared at them for a moment, then turned her gaze to the stage where Poe and Finn were pressed against one another as they played their guitars. “Are you trying to tell me that Poe and Finn...” she trailed off.

Rey walked over to Zorii and put a finger to her lips, shushing her. “No one can know.”

“Why didn't Poe just tell me?”

“Because Poe refuses to admit that it's happening,” Snap filled in. “Don't bring it up with him. Just pretend you don't know.”

“Is that why Finn doesn't like me?” Zorii asked.

Rey was nodding before she could stop herself. “Kinda?”

“Oh my God!” Zorii exclaimed, slapping at Rey's shoulder. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“It's not my place!” Rey said. “They haven't even admitted it to me! Ben's the one who told me.”

“Well that changes a number of things,” Zorii said, suddenly sounding very sober. “Such as my plans to hook Jessika up with Finn.”

“Oh no, still do that,” Snap said, looking over at her. “I think Lando would really appreciate having girls around to deflect any curiosity into the relationship that Poe and Finn may or may not have.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Rey said, looking over at Zorii. “I talked to Ben and Jessika is going to meet us in Nashville.”

“Well, we're going to have to tell her about Poe and Finn,” Zorii said, causing Rey to sigh. 

“No.”

“How am I supposed to hook her up with Finn without telling her that Finn is hooking up with Poe?” Zorii exclaimed. “That's not fair!”

“The fewer people that know about Finn and Poe, the better,” Snap said, looking over at them. “You can't tell anybody. Besides, Finn is a stand-up guy. If he sees something in this friend of yours, he'll either end it with Poe or tell her himself.”

“That's the way it's got to be,” Rey said, making sure to lower her voice as the song came to an end. “Zorii, just drop it, okay?”

Zorii sighed and reached for her drink. “Fine. I'll drop it. But I'm asking Poe about it later.”

“He'll just deny it,” Snap said, turning his gaze back to the stage.

“Yeah, we'll see about that,” Zorii murmured.

**********

“Lando is going to kill us,” Poe exclaimed as they walked into the dressing room, dropping down into a chair and sighing heavily. “Where the fuck did that journalist get off by asking Kaydel if she found me sexy? And why the fuck did you answer her, Finn, instead of letting Kaydel do it?”

Finn just shook his head as he sat down on the sofa. “I could tell the moment it was asked that it made Kaydel uncomfortable so I jumped in like we always do when one of the girls gets asked an uncomfortable question. And what I said was a joke. Lando will see it like that and that will be the end of it.”

Zorii, who was standing at the back of the room with Rey, leaned over to her and whispered, “See, there's nothing going on between them. Poe swore it to me.”

“Poe lied,” Rey whispered back, smiling at Ben as he made his way over to her. “Hey, you.”

“Hello yourself,” Ben said, swooping in for a kiss. “Poe is freaking out about Finn again.”

“I kind of noticed,” Rey murmured, glancing over at Zorii. “Zorii believed him when he swore there was nothing going on between them.”

“What did he swear on, Finn's virtue?” Ben asked, laughing. “Seriously, he lies about it so much.”

“Finn, would you listen to yourself, please? You practically told the journalist about our relationship!” Poe yelled, standing up and stalking out of the room, brushing past Jannah and Hux in the process.

“Did he just say what I think he just said?” Hux asked, looking at Jannah for confirmation.

“I believe he did just reference his relationship with Finn,” Jannah answered, nodding her head. “What's Poe on today?”

“Nothing, as far as I know,” Kaydel said, sitting down next to Finn. “Finn, you alright?”

Finn shook himself out of his stupor. “I need to go find Poe,” he said quickly, standing up and practically knocking Rose over in his haste to get out of the dressing room.

“And that, Zorii, is the truth of the matter,” Ben said, pulling Rey over to the sofa and sitting down next to Kaydel. 

“Why would Poe lie to me about it?” Zorii asked, pouring herself another glass of wine. 

“Because he doesn't admit it like ever,” Rose said, walking up next to her and reaching for the vodka. “Of course he's going to lie about it to the girl he's currently sleeping with.”

“Speaking of girls we're currently sleeping with,” Ben said, looking over at Hux. “What are you going to do about Phasma, Hux?”

Hux sighed. “So she was seen out with Moden. So what?”

“She's been seen out with Moden a fucking lot since we started this tour,” Jannah pointed out. “Come on, Hux, you're more intelligent than this.”

“Fine!” Hux exclaimed. “She says she loves me and then she's sleeping with Moden! I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do about it!”

“You need to have some female entertainment tonight. “If she's going to enjoy herself, you should enjoy yourself,” Ben said, prompting Rey to look over at him.

“So that's your thoughts on monogamy in a relationship? Suspect your partner is sleeping with someone else so do so yourself?”

“That's what I think Hux should do,” Ben said, wrapping an arm around Rey's shoulders. “That is not necessarily what I would do.”

“He should call Phasma and confront her with the allegations,” Zorii said.

“That's what I always say,” Kaydel chimed in. “No one ever listens to me.”

“Exactly,” Rey said. “Just because she's been seen with Moden, whoever that is, that doesn't mean she's sleeping with him.”

Rose laughed. “You don't know who Moden Canady is?”

“No,” Rey said honestly. “I don't really pay that much attention to celebrities.”

“Moden Canady is only the most sought after actor right now,” Hux said. “And he's notorious for making his way through the pretty girls in the scene. So I think that it's probably very likely that he's enjoyed himself between Phasma's open legs. Besides, that's sort of how I got her to begin with.”

Rey looked over at Hux curiously. “What?”

“She was dating Moden when we first hooked up,” Hux said, shrugging his shoulders. “Didn't break up with him for a while. Suppose that I should have realized she'd do the same thing to me. But I thought what we had was special.”

“I still say you should talk to her.”

“I totally agree,” Zorii added. “Be a man about it and confront her.”

“You know my thoughts on the situation,” Kaydel said. “They haven't changed.”

“Yeah, yeah, we'll see,” Hux said, standing up and walking out of the room.

Ben just shook his head. “And to think Hux was talking about marriage during tour rehearsals.”

“He's always been crazy about her,” Jannah pointed out. “He doesn't want to see the truth. But I think he's starting to.”

“For his own sake, I hope so,” Rose said. “I mean, Phasma's a nice girl and all, but it's obvious that she's not faithful to him.”

“What are we going to do about Poe and Finn?” Ben asked, changing the subject. “And how are we going to make Zorii believe that it's true?”

“I'll believe it when I see it,” Zorii said, sitting down in the chair Hux had vacated and sipping at her wine. “I haven't seen it.”

“We've got to let them figure it out as usual,” Rose said. “You know how Poe will react if we try to interfere.”

“True,” Ben said, shaking his head. “Fuck, I almost miss the days when none of us had relationships. The band was so much less complicated then.”

“But nowhere near as successful,” Jannah pointed out. “Nor were some of us as happy as we are now.”

“Touché,” Ben said, smiling at Rey. “Even with this mess, I wouldn't change it for anything.”


	8. Chapter 8

_You wonder what's on my mind when I stare into space_  
_And I lie to you every time baby_  
_I don't know how you'd react if I told you the truth_  
_This is just supposed to be a fling, a silly night or two_  
_But the fact is that you cross my mind far too often_  
_The thoughts linger for hours as I remember your kisses on my skin_  
_Your hands on me, your lips on mine_  
_The truth is, baby, that it's you in the end_

Ben heard the crowd suddenly cheer louder than they had been, and he looked behind himself to see Poe with his hands on Finn's face, holding him close as he leaned in and kissed him. Ben's jaw dropped as they separated, Finn staring at Poe as though he was insane. Poe just gave him a shit-eating grin in return and went back to playing the song. It took Finn a minute to recover, but soon he was playing again as well, and Ben turned back to the microphone as he heard Kaydel start singing her portion of the song.

_When we're lying in bed together, my life feels complete_  
_I don't expect you to understand the way I feel_  
_I promised you that there were no strings attached_  
_But then I fell off the edge of a cliff for you, baby_  
_The fact is you cross my mind far too often_  
_The thoughts linger for hours as I remember your kisses on my skin_  
_Your hands on me, your lips on mine_  
_The truth is, baby, that it's you in the end_

At the side of the stage, Snap, Rey, and Zorii were still staring at Poe in shock. 

“Did Poe just do what I think he just did?” Snap eventually said.

“If you think he just kissed Finn in front of a crowd of thirty thousand, then yes, he did,” Rey said, looking over at Zorii. “Believe us now?”

Zorii opened and closed her mouth a few times before bringing her glass of wine up to her lips and draining it. “That was fucking hot.”

“Yes, it was,” Rey echoed, wrapping her arm around Zorii's waist. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Zorii said, still staring at Poe. “Holy shit, I want to see them do that again.”

“Lando is going to kill them,” Snap said. “Someone in the crowd is going to have gotten a picture or video of that, and it'll be all over Twitter in a matter of moments. In fact, I should get Hera to start monitoring that.”

Rey looked at him as Snap started looking around for Hera. “Lando's not really going to kill them, is he? Surely he knows.”

“There were two rules he laid down for them on this tour,” Snap said, still looking around for Hera. “Do not let anyone find out about whatever is going on between Poe and Finn, and for Ben not to get photographed with you. They've now broken both of those rules. Lando's probably going to fly in for this.”

As soon as Snap finished saying that, his phone started to ring. “And that's probably Lando now. Excuse me,” he said, walking away.

Rey looked over at Zorii and sighed. “I think that all we've succeeded in doing in following them around is get them in trouble.”

“Please, you've got a good boyfriend out of the deal and I've gotten to have lots of sex with Poe Dameron. We've done more than get them in trouble.”

“Oh God, and Jessika's showing up tomorrow,” Rey said, reaching for her glass of whiskey. “This is not going to be good.”

“Come on, Jessika is like the least threatening person alive,” Zorii said. “She's not coming to disrupt anything.”

“You told her you were going to hook her up with Finn,” Rey pointed out.

“And I am,” Zorii said. “Whatever it is they have between them, they clearly aren't exclusive or Poe wouldn't have been fucking around with me. Plus I think Jessika and Finn will really hit it off.”

“There's no guarantee they are going to like each other,” Rey said. “Even if Finn is her favorite member of The Rebels.”

“Just you wait,” Zorii said. “Finn is going to love her.”

Rey sighed and sipped at her drink. “You still thinking you and Poe is only a tour thing?”

“That's the plan,” Zorii murmured. “But I wouldn't be opposed to continuing it back in New York.”

“Even knowing he's with Finn?”

“As I said, that's hot.”

Rey just laughed. “You are something else, Zorii. You've gone from refusing to believe it to ‘that's hot’ in like five minutes.”

“Can't help it,” Zorii laughed. “Poe's fault. He's the one who kissed him.”

**********

Rey poured herself a glass of whiskey and watched as another girl sat down on Ben's lap. It was after the show, and she tried to remind herself that he was just unwinding, just doing what he had to do to keep up appearances, but it still made her bitter. Ben was supposed to be with her, not some bleached blonde with big tits.

Finn made his way over to the table of alcohol and reached for the whiskey, pouring himself a drink. “Tell me something?” he whispered, causing Rey to look over at him.

“Alright.”

“Poe really kissed me on stage tonight, right?” Finn asked, knocking back his drink.

Rey bit back a laugh. “He sure did.”

Finn poured himself another drink. “He's been possessive ever since he heard your friend Jessika is coming.”

“Isn't that a good thing?”

“I don't know,” Finn said honestly. “I know this means more to me than it does to him, but I'm not sure how to read his reaction to another woman. I mean, there's been plenty of other women in my life since we started this, and despite Zorii's best intentions, nothing serious is ever going to develop between me and your friend. But he's never been like this. And I don't go getting all possessive when he chooses to spend every fucking night with Zorii.”

“No, you just get bitter about it and drink more whiskey,” Rey said. “You should hear the tone of your voice right now.”

Finn sighed and knocked back another drink. “At least this is turning into some great material for the next album.”

“He still hasn't realized that you write about him?”

“Oblivious as fuck is my Poe,” Finn said. “I kind of like him like that.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Rey asked. “You can refuse to answer it, of course.”

Finn turned and looked at Hera, holding up the nearly empty bottle of whiskey and shaking it until Hera nodded and left the dressing room. “Sure, Rey. Why not?”

“Do you love him?”

Finn skipped the glass and started drinking straight from the bottle. “Ah, fuck. You would ask me that, wouldn't you?”

“As I said, you don't have to answer it,” Rey said, her gaze fixed on where Ben was caressing the blonde bitch's back.

“No, it's alright,” Finn said, taking another swig from the bottle. “Yes, I do. I've never actually admitted that to anyone before.”

Rey turned to look at him and smiled softly. “Would you want a future with him?”

“I want it so badly I sometimes dream about it,” Finn said, glancing behind him at where Poe and Zorii were making out. “But he loves women too much to give them up for me. I'm just a fling to him.”

“If you were just a fling, would he be getting possessive and kissing you on stage?” Rey asked.

Finn took a long drink from the bottle. “I don't know. Finding out involves us talking, and that never happens.”

“Maybe it should.”

“And maybe you should go drag Ben away from the groupies,” Finn said, turning the conversation back around. “You know he'd do anything you want.”

“I know,” Rey mumbled. “But I'm not ready for much of anything and he's ready for everything. We're in two very different places, and I don't know if we'll ever be in the same one.”

“You told him that you love him yet?”

“I don't know that I do.”

Finn just gave her a look. “Come on. I admitted it to you. You can admit it to me.”

Rey sighed heavily. “Of course I love him. But I'm terrified of it. The last time I was in love...well, you know what happened.”

“Ben is different,” Finn said seriously. “And he'll wait for you. He always has, even when you lost touch. Sure there's been groupies ever since we got famous, and there’s been the occasional string of dates, but he's never been serious about anybody but you.”

“Says the man who thought I was a man,” Rey laughed.

“I apologize for my drunken idiocy yet again. And, well, I wouldn't have minded if you were,” Finn said, laughing with her. “I think my stance on same-sex relationships is pretty well known.”

Rey looked over at Ben and saw him looking at her. “He loves me too much. I'm such a horrible person. I don't deserve someone like him.”

“You're not a horrible person,” Finn said, thanking Hera when he suddenly appeared with a new bottle of whiskey. “You may think you are, but you're really not.”

Rey held out her glass to Finn and thanked him when he topped it off. “Oh, if you only knew, Finn. If you only knew.”

“Is this about Callinda Mitaka?” Finn asked quietly.

“How the fuck do you know about her?” Rey asked, eyes wide.

Finn sighed and poured his own drink. “There was a thing about her online a few days ago. 'Exclusive: How I pieced my son back together after Rey Janrenk left him for Ben Solo' or some bullshit like that.”

“Fucking hell,” Rey said, setting her drink down and going to get her phone out of her bag. She walked back over to Finn as she opened up the browser and typed her name into it, the article Finn was referencing coming up straight away. “Fucking Christ. This has to have come straight from Dopheld. I didn't leave him for Ben, you fucking bitch, but I bet that is what Dopheld told you.”

“You don't think Dopheld had told them you had split up?”

“I'd almost guarantee it,” Rey said, reading through the article. “'A source close to Janrenk confirms the truth of this story.' Yeah, I know exactly who that source is too. Dopheld doesn't get his way so now he's going to try to ruin my life again. Fucking fantastic.”

Finn knocked his drink back. “So counter him. Do your own interview.”

“No. I know I can't win so what's the point in trying,” Rey said automatically. “My father has influence, but it's nothing compared to the Mitaka family's influence. And I'm sure my father believes every fucking word of this article too. I made this fucking bed so now I have to lie in it.”

“Ah,” Finn murmured. “That's why you think you're a horrible person. Rey, listen to me when I tell you that making a horrible mistake about a relationship doesn't make you a horrible person. People of all walks of life end up in shitty relationships and some people are lucky enough to find their way out of them. I don't know the details of how yours ended, but I know you're one of the lucky ones. I'm not so sure I will be.”

“Well, that makes me feel a little bit better,” Rey said, knocking back her drink, “in a really fucked up sort of way. But I sincerely hope that you end up a lucky one too.”

Rey's eyes landed on Ben again, just in time to see the blonde bitch lean and kiss him, and Ben certainly wasn't pushing her away. Rey sighed heavily and reached for the whiskey, prompting Finn to look behind him.

“Sometimes, Ben is an idiot.”

“He can do whatever he wants,” Rey murmured. “We're not in a relationship.”

Finn reached out and put his hand on Rey's arm, causing her to look over at him. “Sometimes, Ben is an idiot. Sometimes, Ben gets really stupid after a show and does stuff he regrets the next morning. Sometimes, Ben unintentionally hurts people. This is one of those times.”

Rey sighed as Finn put his hand down. “I said he can do whatever he wants.”

“Poe can do whatever he wants too,” Finn murmured. “Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find one of those vapid girls to fuck tonight.”

“Finn,” Rey started, making him look up at her as he turned around. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, Rey.”

**********

There was a woman in Ben's room when he woke up, but the voice was all wrong. It was heavily accented and possibly speaking a different language because Ben couldn't understand a word she was saying. Groaning, he forced himself to flip over onto his back, blinking as the light made his head start to throb behind his eyes. They focused eventually, and he saw blonde hair, and he stared at it for a moment before he came to a realization.

That woman was most definitely not Rey.

Ben groaned again, running hands over his face, trying to remember the events of the night before. They were in Nashville, and there was the concert, and Poe kissing Finn on stage, and the after-party in the dressing room, and...

The blonde woman turned around and bent down to kiss him, and Ben let her, realizing it would be futile to push her away now. She was only dressed in her bra and panties, and he was clearly naked, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out exactly what had happened the night before.

She pulled away and stood up, plucking her dress off the floor and putting it back on while Ben laid there, wallowing in misery. He felt like shit, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he'd fucked up royally the night before. When the woman was dressed, she bent down for another kiss and then said goodbye.

As soon as the hotel room door shut, Ben reached for his phone and found that he had a message from Rey on it. Clicking through to it, he closed his eyes first, trying to steel himself for whatever the message said. He opened his eyes and read through it, and then read through it again.

_Hope you enjoyed your night._

What was that supposed to mean? Ben sighed and collapsed back against the bed, scrolling through his contacts until he found Rey's number. His finger hovered over the button to connect the call before he finally pressed it. He put it on speaker and set it on his chest, listening to it ring.

“Hello?”

“Rey?”

“What?”

“What the fuck did I do last night?”

Rey sighed through the phone. “Shouldn't you be asking who?”

“No, I already saw her,” Ben said, sighing. “I don't understand your message.”

“What's there to understand? I hope you enjoyed your night. Simple as that.”

“I'm sorry, Rey.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Rey, I shouldn't have done that last night,” Ben exclaimed. “I'm supposed to be committed to you!”

“No, you're not,” Rey said firmly. “We are not in a relationship, Ben. We have kissed and slept in the same bed. That does not make a relationship, nor a commitment.”

“But I love you.”

“You might,” Rey replied. “But that doesn't matter.”

“How can you say that doesn't matter? It's the most important thing in the world to me!”

“Ben, why are you doing this?”

“I'm trying to apologize for fucking up royally and you're telling me that the fact that I love you doesn't matter?”

Rey stayed silent for a few moments. “If you really were in love with me, you wouldn't have done it. You're in love with an idea, Ben. We don't know each other anymore. My shy, unassuming best friend has turned into a womanizing rock star. And I don't know who this womanizing rock star is. And you don't know who I am. It's foolish for us to think otherwise.”

“I don't understand what you're saying, Rey.”

“I'm saying we're not ready for this.”

“We are ready for this,” Ben said, anger creeping into his voice. “I've been ready for this since I was a teenager. I love you. I've always loved you. I want to marry you. I want you to be the mother of my children. What about this do you not understand?”

“You're hungover, you just fucked another woman, and you don't know what you're saying,” Rey said after a moment. “So I'm going to hang up now, and I'll see you at the venue tonight.”

“Rey.”

“Goodbye, Ben.”

Ben looked down at his phone and saw that the call had ended, and threw the offending device across the room as a result. He crawled out of bed and found clothes to put on, then grabbed his room key and headed out of his hotel room. He walked down the hall and found the room he was looking for, knocking on the door.

After a minute, the door opened, and Rey stared at Ben in disbelief. “Did you not listen to anything I just said on the phone?”

Ben pushed his way into the room and backed Rey up against the wall, kissing her hard. After a few moments, Rey began to respond, wrapping her arms around Ben's neck and pulling him closer. They broke apart when Ben found he couldn't go another moment without breathing, and he rested his forehead against hers. 

“You know how I know this is right?” Ben whispered in between breaths. “Because kissing someone has never been so satisfying in my life. Because I can feel how special this is in the depths of my soul. And if that makes me sound like a sap then so what. You can't deny it, Rey. You just can't.”

Rey sighed as Ben kissed her again, bringing her hands up to tangle in his hair. “Ben,” she breathed out when they parted. “It's too fast.”

“It's not too fast, Rey. We've been dancing around this since we were fifteen.”

“But...”

“No more questioning, Rey,” Ben said, looking into her eyes lovingly. “Just let yourself feel.”

Rey stared at him for what felt like forever, then closed her eyes and slumped back against the wall. “I can't.”

“Why not?” Ben asked, his voice catching.

“Because I just can't.”

Anger flared through Ben's eyes. “That's not an acceptable answer, Rey.”

“It's too overwhelming!” Rey exclaimed, pushing Ben away from her and walking further into the room. “I have gone from one overwhelming experience to another lately and I feel like I can't breathe because of it. I just...I just can't handle it.”

Ben let that sink in and leaned up against the wall, giving Rey the space she obviously needed. “How can I make it not so overwhelming?”

“I don't know,” Rey said honestly. “I just need time.”

“Then I shall give you time,” Ben said, turning towards the door.

“Wait,” Rey said, and Ben paused. “I do love you, Ben. I always have.”

Ben smiled at her, that brilliant smile that had made her weak in the knees since she was a teenager. “I've always loved you too. When you're ready, Rey, I will be here.”

“I know,” Rey said, nodding slightly. “Thank you.”

“I'll see you when it's time to head to the venue,” Ben said, walking out of the hotel room and heading back to his own. 

He collapsed onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing. He had to be sure that he never fucked up like he did the night before again, and he had to be sure that he gave Rey the space that she needed. 

He could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I made up Mitaka's mother's name.


	9. Chapter 9

“Two rules! I gave you two rules!” Lando yelled, looking around at the members of the band. “Ben, don't get photographed with the lady friend, and that no one finds out about whatever it is that's going on between Poe and Finn. And you've broken them both! You lousy motherfuckers need to listen. We have a perfectly crafted image for you, and when you do things like this, you ruin it!”

“In my defense,” Ben said, “I have always told you that I'm not hiding a relationship from the fans.”

“I don't fucking care!” Lando exclaimed. “No photographs, Ben! How fucking hard could that be?”

“I didn't see them,” Ben said seriously. “All I saw was her.”

“Lovesick idiot,” Lando sighed and turned towards Poe and Finn. “And you two. Don't even get me started on you two. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but you need to keep it off the fucking stage. Do I make myself clear?”

“I don't see what the big deal is,” Poe said, shrugging. “It was only a kiss.”

“Yeah, it was only a kiss,” Lando said, then raised his voice about two octaves. “It nearly broke Twitter! And it was only a joke from Finn in that interview about him finding you sexy, and it's only a fragment of the critics' imaginations that you two have smoking hot chemistry on stage!”

Lando took a deep breath and calmed himself down. “Look, you guys know I care a fucking lot about you, so I sincerely mean it when I say this. Figure it the fuck out. Either you're together or you're not, but no more of this ambiguous bullshit.”

Poe and Finn exchanged a look and then Poe sighed. “We're not together, Lando. There is absolutely nothing going on between us.”

Finn put his head down as Lando stared at Poe. “So you continue to say. But I think everyone in this room knows that it's fucking bullshit. So figure it the fuck out.”

Poe looked over at Finn for some backup, but Finn wouldn't meet his gaze. Poe frowned and turned back to Lando. “Maybe I can be seen with Zorii tonight, and Finn with Jessika,” he suggested. “That would calm down any rumors that are spreading.”

“No fucking women!” Lando yelled, checking his watch. “I don't even know why these women are here, but they don't need to be! Now I have to go or I'm going to miss my flight. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”

“Yes,” the whole band muttered.

“Then fucking listen!” Lando yelled, walking towards the door before pausing and turning back. “Oh, and Kaydel? If I so much as hear the name Beaumont Kin related to yours in the news, I'm going to kill all of you.”

The band turned to look at Kaydel as Lando walked out of the dressing room, slamming the door behind him. 

“Beaumont Kin? As in Beaumont Kin from Resistance?” Rose said after a moment. “You are not fucking Beaumont Kin.”

Kaydel just rolled her eyes. “And if I am?”

“Holy shit, Kaydel, why didn't you tell any of us?” Poe exclaimed. “He's fucking amazing!”

Kaydel sighed. “His divorce isn't final yet. That's why.”

“So what? People move on after divorce papers have been filed all the time,” Hux said. “No one would blink at that.”

“My parents would fucking flip out over it, that's what,” Kaydel said, standing up and walking to the alcohol table. “They're definitely going to lose it over our age difference.”

“He's not that much older than you,” Rose said. “Like what, two years?”

“Try eighteen,” Kaydel said, pouring herself a drink.

“There is no fucking way he is eighteen years older than you,” Ben exclaimed. “Beaumont Kin can't possibly be that old.”

“He started Resistance in 1995,” Kaydel said, taking a long sip from her drink. “I was three then.”

Finn nodded. “She's right. Resistance was an indie band for a long time before they got their recording contract. It may seem like they haven't been around for that long, but they have been.”

The door to the dressing room opened and the girls all came in. After a round of introductions for Jessika, they settled into a quiet conversation that was not about Ben and Rey, despite everyone in the room wanting to talk about the fact that they were sitting on opposite sides of it. 

Hera came in after a while and got everyone's attention. “One last message from Lando, and again, please don't shoot the messenger.”

“Great,” Poe groaned. “What is it this time?”

Hera took a deep breath. “He says he's canceling your break after the tour. You're going right back into the studio when you get back to New York.”

The whole band started to protest but Hera just held up her hands. “I'm just the messenger. Take it up with Lando.”

“Fucking hell,” Jannah exclaimed, standing up. “Now I've got to explain to Forten why we can't go away for a while. Thanks a lot, you fuckers.”

Jannah stormed out of the room and Hux sighed. “I was supposed to go to London and watch Phasma film her first movie.”

“You still don't believe she's sleeping with Moden Canady?” Rose asked.

“Fuck off,” Hux said angrily, standing up and walking out of the room.

“I've got to go tell Finch that we've got to fit an album around our wedding now,” Rose said, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she walked towards the door. “He's going to be furious. He was angry enough I had to leave to come on this tour, and now this? He's going to fucking kill me.”

Poe leaned back in his chair and propped his legs up on the table. “Well, this is going fucking fantastically. I hope you've been writing, Finn, because we're going to need a shitload of material to make Amilyn happy when this tour's over.”

“Luckily for you, I've been quite inspired on this tour,” Finn said, still refusing to look at Poe. Instead, he stood up and offered a hand to Jessika. “Would you like to see the stage?”

“I'd love to,” Jessika said, letting Finn take her hand and then following him out of the room. 

The second the door was closed, Ben stood up and walked over to Poe, hitting him upside the head. “You are a fucking moron.”

“What?” Poe exclaimed, rubbing the side of his head. “What the fuck did I do?”

“Do you even understand how much you hurt him when you say shit like that?” Ben exclaimed. “You are lucky he even speaks to you sometimes!”

“Why are you yelling at me?” Poe asked. “You know there's nothing going on between me and Finn.”

Ben reached out and hit him again. “Motherfucking idiot.”

“I don't have to take this kind of abuse,” Poe said, grabbing Zorii by the hand and pulling her towards the door. “Especially when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.”

“Fine, Poe, run away, just like always,” Ben said, collapsing back down onto the sofa. “Pretend you're perfectly straight and you've never done anything with Finn. I don't fucking care anymore.”

Poe just glared at him as he and Zorii left the dressing room. 

“Tonight's show is going to suck,” Kaydel murmured over the top of her glass. “The chemistry is going to be all off.”

“Maybe you guys can fix it in soundcheck,” Rey said.

“I think it's unlikely that all of us will be on stage for soundcheck,” Ben replied. “Fuck, Lando shows up and lectures us, and now everything's fucked up.”

The door to the dressing room opened and Snap stuck his head inside. “Do I even want to know what's going on?”

Kaydel sighed. “Jannah is furious with Lando, Hux is furious with Poe, Rose is going to be in trouble with Finch, Finn is concentrating on Jessika because Poe is an idiot, Poe's furious with Ben for pointing out to him how much he hurts Finn, and I'm sitting here wondering how we're all going to be on the same page for the show tonight.”

Snap sighed and walked into the room, sitting down. “Ben, I know you don't want to do this, but...”

“I know, I know, I'm the peacemaker among us,” Ben said, standing up. “I'll take care of it.”

Snap nodded and stood up as well. “I'll go make sure the stage is ready for soundcheck.”

Ben turned towards Kaydel as Snap left the room. “Kaydel, you're good right?”

“Totally,” Kaydel said. “Go round up the band. Send the girls back here. I think we need some band-only time.”

“I agree,” Ben said, walking past Rey and out of the dressing room.

Once the door was closed, Kaydel turned her attention to Rey. “So you're sitting on opposite sides of the room. Does this have anything to do with that blonde last night?”

“Yes. No. Maybe. I'm not really sure what the catalyst for it was exactly,” Rey said, running her hands over her face. “It's just too overwhelming. I need some space. So he's giving me that.”

“I know what you mean,” Kaydel said, taking another sip from her drink. “When I met Beaumont, the attraction was instant and so deep and complex, and I can't really put it into words. It's like in an instant I realized what the world could be like if I was in love. I swear I was in love with him after a day. The band...all they care about is the fact that I'm fucking Beaumont Kin of Resistance. I don't see it that way. I see Beaumont the man, not the lead singer of a band. I'm guessing it's kind of that way for you too.”

“Definitely,” Rey said, smiling. “I still can't believe the boy that wouldn't sing for me unless the lights were off is a fucking rock star.”

“He wouldn't sing for you with the lights on?” Kaydel laughed. “He's told me before that he didn't used to have confidence in singing in front of people, but I didn't know it went that deep.”

“He used to mouth the words in the church choir because he was too scared to actually sing,” Rey divulged. “Please, please, tease him about that.”

“Oh, that's definitely something everyone in the band needs to know,” Kaydel said, laughing again. “He really does love you, you know. His magical Rey, the one that we used to tease him about making up. Now that I've met you, I can understand why even when you weren't around he was still under your spell.”

“I don't like thinking of him as being under my spell,” Rey said seriously. “I was under Dopheld's spell and that is entirely different from how I want my relationship with Ben to go.”

“It's just an expression,” Kaydel said, polishing off her drink. “But you understand what I meant by it.”

“I do,” Rey said, taking a deep breath. “He loves me so much it scares me.”

“I understand that too,” Kaydel said, standing up and walking back to the alcohol table. “My ex-fiancé, he was...all-encompassing, overwhelming, and possessive as fuck. It took the collective work of the band and security to get me away from him.” 

“I never knew you were engaged,” Rey said. “And while I freely admit I don't pay attention to pop culture, I did kind of pay attention to The Rebels because of Ben.”

“We kept it out of the press,” Kaydel said, setting her empty glass down. “I don't know what they threatened him with, but he's never gone talking to the papers. I'm really glad about that. That's a relationship I don't want the world to know about.”

“I know all about those,” Rey said, sighing. “I do love him, Kaydel.”

“I know you do,” Kaydel said. “Otherwise we'd be having an entirely different conversation. And I've had to have a few of those with some hangers-on in the past.”

The door to the dressing room opened and Hera stuck her head inside. “Kaydel, soundcheck in five.”

Kaydel nodded and Hera disappeared. “Good talk, Rey. I'll see you later.”

“Thanks, Kaydel.”

**********

“Alright, Nashville!” Ben yelled out to a roar from the crowd. “Tonight we have a special treat for you. A new song, written and performed by our very own Finn Storm!”

The crowd roared again as Ben stepped away from the microphone, and Finn swallowed hard as he stepped up to it, acoustic guitar in hand. The spotlight shone on him as he took a deep breath, and then he began to play.

_I think it's time for me to let you go_  
_There's so many things that you refuse to know_  
_Like the way I think you hung the moon and stars_  
_And how even when we're apart, I know where you are_  
_But it's become so unbelievably clear to me_  
_That our love just cannot be_  
_You refuse to admit what is in your heart_  
_And I've been losing this battle from the start_  
_So I think it's time for me to let you go_  
_I'll always love you, I hope you know_  
_But fooling around with each other in the dark_  
_Is not enough for me, no matter the spark_  
_There's always someone else whose caught your eye_  
_And it's harder and harder for me to find reasons why_  
_I should stay with you, no matter how much I want to_  
_And so this is me letting you go_  
_How I'll fill this hole in my heart I don't know_  
_But I know the time is now for me to start_  
_Or I'll never get over this broken heart_  
_And so I think it's time for me to let you go_  
_I'll always love you, I hope you know_  
_But fooling around with each other in the dark_  
_Is not enough for me, no matter the spark_  
_And so I think it's time for me to let you go_  
_Let you go_  
_I'm letting go_

Finn played the last notes of the song and the crowd started cheering loudly, bringing a sad smile to his face. He said thank you and then stepped away from the microphone, refusing to look at Poe as he made his way back to his usual spot on the stage.

Ben walked back up to the microphone. “Let's hear it one more time for Finn Storm!”

Off to the side of the stage, Rey, Zorii, and Jessika were standing there, watching as Poe walked over to Finn and tried to talk to him.

“You think he's realized that song was about him?” Zorii asked, prompting a gasp from Jessika.

“Nope,” Rey said as she watched Poe mess up Finn's hair. “I think he's completely oblivious as usual.”

“I feel so bad for Finn,” Zorii said as she reached for her drink. “It must have killed him to write that.”

“Are you telling me that Finn and Poe are...” Jessika trailed off as both Rey and Zorii nodded. “Wow. That's really hot.”

“It's really fucked up,” Rey murmured, sipping at her whiskey. “Poe hurts Finn so much, and he doesn't even realize he's doing it. And he still hasn't realized that every song Finn writes is about him.”

“Hmm,” Jessika said, turning to look at Finn again. “He told me earlier that we could have some fun, but that he didn't want anything serious. Is this why?”

“Yes,” Rey said. “But I wasn't expecting to hear that song tonight.”

“Neither was I,” Zorii said. “Should I try to talk to Poe about it tonight?”

“No,” Rey said firmly. “Leave it between them.”

“Alright,” Zorii said, turning to Jessika and smiling. “I'm sure Finn will enjoy your company.”

“I hope so,” Jessika murmured, her eyes still locked on him. “He was pretty melancholy this afternoon. He just wanted to talk about Boston.”

“Well, Finn does love his hometown,” Rey said. 

The band came filing off stage then, and Ben grabbed Rey and spun her around. “How did you enjoy the show, Rey?”

“Loved it,” Rey said as Ben put her down. “Finn's new song though...”

“I know, it's brilliant, isn't it?” Ben said, pulling her towards the dressing room. “He came up with the idea to sing it tonight at soundcheck. None of the rest of us know how to play it yet, so we decided it should just be him and an acoustic guitar. And it was perfect. The crowd loved it.”

“And what about Poe?” Rey asked quietly as Ben opened the door to the dressing room. 

“Poe?” Ben asked, turning to look at her. “Why would you care about what...oh my God.”

Rey watched the realization cross his face. “Like I said, what did Poe think of it?”

“Poe loved it,” Ben said quietly. “He's been telling Finn all afternoon how gorgeous and perfect it is.”

The dressing room door opened and Hera stuck his head in. “Finn is heading straight to the hotel. Your friend Jessika is going with him. You two want to go, or you want to stay here for a while?”

Ben looked at Rey for a moment before shaking his head. “We'll stay.”

“Okay,” Hera said, closing the door. 

“Why are we staying?” Rey asked. “Why aren't we going after Finn?”

“Because what Finn needs tonight, only Jessika can give him,” Ben said. “This isn't the first time Finn has tried to end things.”

“I feel so bad for him.”

“Don't,” Ben murmured. “Poe will say something to him once he realizes what Finn is trying to do, and then they'll be back to their arrangement. It's not something that's going to just end.”

“That song certainly sounded like an end,” Rey said.

“It's the end until Poe goes crawling back to him. Trust me on this.”

“Alright.”

**********

Jessika knocked on the hotel room door, and after a few minutes, a sleepy-looking Rey opened it. “Oh fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be asleep yet.”

“It's fine, Jessika,” Rey said, opening up the door. “Come on in.”

Jessika walked into the room and headed towards the table and chairs while Rey collapsed back onto her bed. “So, Jessika, why are you here and not with Finn?”

“Because Finn kicked me out,” Jessika said, sitting down in a chair. “He was polite about it, but still.”

“Finn kicked you out?” Rey said, reaching over for the ashtray and her joint and lighting it up. 

“Yep. We had some incredible sex,” Jessika said, “and then we took a shower, and then he asked me to leave so he could be alone. I didn't know where else to go.”

Rey sighed heavily and put her joint back in the ashtray before standing up. “Fuck, this is worse than I thought. Ben told me what Finn needed tonight was you. If Finn doesn't want that, then this is bad. I'm going to go get Ben to go talk to him. I'll be right back.”

Rey walked out of her room and down to the one she knew was Ben's, knocking on the door. “Ben, it's me. Open up.”

After a moment, a shirtless Ben opened the door, glancing curiously at Rey. “I thought we were spending tonight apart.”

“We are,” Rey said. “Finn kicked Jessika out so he could be alone. I think you need to go talk to him.”

“Fuck,” Ben said, running his hands through his hair. “Yeah, yeah, I'll go talk to him.”

“Thanks,” Rey said, walking away. 

Ben ducked into his hotel room and grabbed his room key, then headed out and down the hall to Finn's room. “Finn? Let me in.”

It took a while, but Finn eventually opened the door, sighing when he saw Ben standing there. “Just leave me alone, Ben.”

“No,” Ben said, pushing his way into the hotel room. “We have to talk about this before it ruins the band.”

Finn sighed and closed the door, walking further into the room and collapsing onto the bed. “He's oblivious. He won't even notice anything is different.”

“Until he does, because he always figures it out eventually,” Ben said, sitting down in a chair. “What are you going to do then?”

“It won't matter,” Finn said. “He doesn't care about me.”

“Fucking hell, is that really what you think? You know he cares about you, Finn. He is just really shitty about showing it.”

Finn looked over at Ben. “I can't do this anymore, man. I can't keep hoping that someday things are going to be different.”

“It's not like you to just give up on something,” Ben said firmly. “Especially him.”

Finn ran his hands over his face. “I know, but it's just occurred to me today that I've been writing a breakup album this whole tour, and there's only one reason I would be doing it.”

“Every song is a breakup song?”

“Yes,” Finn murmured. “You're going to have to contribute some love songs to this album because I've got nothing.”

“I didn't even realize that song tonight was about him until Rey pointed it out to me,” Ben said. “It's a great song, Finn.”

Finn forced himself to smile. “Thanks.”

“But it can't be the end.”

“Why not?” Finn yelled. “Why can I not make this decision without you coming in here and trying to talk me out of it?”

Ben shook his head. “I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I'm trying to keep it from becoming a problem within the band. You can't believe that he's going to let you give up without a fight.”

“I do believe that,” Finn said. “I believe he doesn't give a shit about me, and he won't care that it's over. He's got Zorii now, and she makes him far happier than I ever did.”

“That's bullshit and you know it,” Ben exclaimed. “Finn, come on, man. You know he loves you in his own way.”

“Well, I don't like his way!” Finn said. “I've always understood keeping this a secret, but to deny it to you guys? To Lando? And in the way he does? It's too much.”

“You should talk to him,” Ben said. “Tell him how you really feel. I know you haven't. You might be surprised by his response.”

“It's not worth it.”

“If you love him,” Ben started, only for Finn to interrupt.

“Oh, fuck off with this. You know nothing.”

“If you love him,” Ben started again, “you at least owe it to yourself to lay it all on the line.”

Finn sighed and threw an arm across his eyes. “Get the fuck out of my room.”

“Fine,” Ben said, standing up. “But at least think about what I said, please. We need you and him getting along.”

“Fuck off!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, so the canon age difference between Beaumont Kin and Kaydel is 18 years (or so, Wookieepedia says Beaumont's year of birth is an estimate), in case anyone is wondering where that age difference number came from.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time the tour reached Washington D.C. two weeks later, everyone was miserable. Jannah missed Forten, Rose was arguing with Finch over wedding plans, Hux was fighting with Phasma over the Moden Canady situation, and Poe was trying to figure out why Finn was hardly speaking to him. Finn was attached to his guitar and writing songs like crazy, using his writing time as an excuse not to talk to the others. Zorii had left a few days before to go back to New York, and Jessika had left the day before to do the same, leaving Rey alone with Ben again, which wasn't entirely a good thing. Kaydel was the only one close to being happy, but as the tension between the band mounted, she got more and more worried.

The dressing room before the show was full of awkward silence. Finn was somewhere in the venue writing another song, and Jannah was off somewhere talking to Forten. Poe was playing guitar as Hux tried to sleep in his chair because he'd been up the entire night before arguing with Phasma. Ben was sitting on the sofa with headphones on, his eyes closed as he tried to focus on the concert. Rose was scrolling through websites on her iPad, occasionally asking Rey questions about floral arrangements that she and Finch were trying to decide upon for their wedding because she didn't have the slightest clue about what a good floral arrangement looked like. Kaydel chimed in with her opinions as well and made small talk with Rey in between.

It took a little while, but Kaydel eventually realized that Poe seemed to be playing some sort of song instead of just random notes. “Poe,” she said, making him look up at her. “What is that you're playing?”

“It's nothing,” Poe said, rearranging some papers he had on the table in front of him. “Just a song I'm working on.”

“You never write songs.”

“I know,” Poe said, sighing. “And this is probably shit, but I think the only way I can do this is through a song.”

Kaydel smiled. “Play it for me?”

“I don't know if it's really ready for anyone else to hear,” Poe murmured. “But when I think it is, I'll definitely play it for you. I actually think that if it's any good, it'd be a good track for you to sing.”

“What's it about?” Rey asked, making Poe smile.

“Love,” he responded. “But that's all I really want to say about it.”

“That's fine,” Rey said, smiling. “I hope I get to hear it too.”

“Of course,” Poe said, nodding as he gathered up the papers and stood up. “I'm going to go find Finn.”

As soon as Poe had left the room, Kaydel broke into a smile. “He's writing about Finn.”

“How do you know that?” Rey asked, looking over at her. 

“Kaydel is right,” Rose said, her eyes never leaving the iPad. “Poe never writes songs, but when he does, he only ever writes about Finn.”

“He's going to try to win him back with a song,” Kaydel said, standing up and heading to the alcohol table. “Every time he's done it in the past, it's worked.”

“He hasn't done it in years though,” Rose said. “Last time was before we got the record deal.”

“That's because Finn usually gives in after a day or two. He hasn't done that this time,” Kaydel said, pouring herself a drink. “Poe has realized that he's really fucked up like he did that time he slept with that guy whose name I can't remember, and so he has to win Finn back. Finn isn't going to come willingly.”

“Ello,” Hux said sleepily.

“What?” Rose asked.

“That's what the guy's name was. Ello Asty.”

Kaydel nodded as the recognition came. “Yes, that's it, Hux. Ello Asty. That was the last time Poe wrote Finn a song. After he slept with Ello Asty.”

“Not the same Ello Asty that has that song Spotify is always recommending to me?” Rey asked.

“That's the one,” Rose said. “Don't ever say his name in front of Finn.”

Rey just shook her head. “They have such a fucked up relationship. I don't blame Finn for breaking things off with him. I hope he doesn't give in and take him back either.”

“No, Rey, we definitely want him to take Poe back,” Rose said. “It'll disrupt the entire chemistry of the band if they split up. I mean, look at how miserable we've all become since Finn sang that song in Nashville.”

“I agree,” Kaydel murmured as she sat back down. “Finn has to take him back for the good of the band at least.”

“Even if it's not healthy for him to be in a relationship with Poe?” Rey asked.

“It's really unhealthy for him not to be in one,” Kaydel answered. “Trust me on this one, Rey. I've seen it. You haven't.”

“Kaydel is right,” Rose said. “Poe better perfect that song though. Finn seems to be really serious about ending it this time.”

“Finn was really serious about ending it last time,” Kaydel pointed out. “He wrote an entire album of breakup songs, and then they hooked up again, and he wrote everything that ended up on _Wonderful At Night_ in like two days. And it was all brilliant. I see no reason why the same thing won't happen again.”

“Good point,” Rose said. “God, I hope Poe finishes that song soon.”

“At least this tour is almost over,” Kaydel murmured. “Two more weeks. I can't wait until we're back in New York, even if that means another six shows before it's over.”

“Yeah, it'll be nice to sleep in my own bed next to Finch since he’ll be in town,” Rose said. “But then we'll be trapped in a recording studio for weeks on end working on a new album.”

Kaydel just shrugged. “At least we won't be going from a plane to a car to a venue to a hotel to another car to another plane to another city and on and on and on.”

“Very true,” Rose said, looking over at Rey. “Then Ben can finally take you on that date he has been meticulously planning.”

“Date?” Rey sighed. “Yeah, I guess we're going to have to go on those, aren't we?”

“Of course we are,” Ben said out of the blue, making Rey jump. “How else will we be photographed falling out of nightclubs together?”

“I thought we weren't supposed to be photographed together?” Rey asked when Ben turned to her and smiled. 

“That was on tour,” he said. “Lando didn't say anything about after the tour.”

“Then we shall fall out of nightclubs at all hours of the morning,” Rey said, laughing.

“The socialite and the rock star,” Ben said, his smile turning into a grin. “We're a perfect match.”

“Ugh, you two are making me sick,” Hux muttered. “I think I liked it better when Ben was longing after you.”

Rey just laughed. “A little jealous, Hux?”

“Fuck off,” Hux said, shutting his eyes again. “Let me sleep.”

“Okay,” Ben said, laughing. “We'll just entertain ourselves.”

“Keep your fucking clothes on,” Hux mumbled. “I don't want to wake up and see something I don't want to see.”

The four of them burst out laughing and Hux threw his hands up in the air. “Shut up and let me sleep!”

The laughing stopped when Rose groaned, drawing the attention to her. “How many fucking shades of purple are there?”

“A lot,” Rey said. “Why?”

“I said I wanted the colors of the wedding to be purple and gray, but I wasn't sure which shade of purple so Finch said he'd put together some options. Now that I'm looking at them, do you know what my opinion is? I don't care. That's my opinion.” Rose sighed and put her iPad down, running her hands over her face. “I seriously want to just go to City Hall and get married there. But no, we have to have a proper church wedding to appease my parents and it's not that I mind that, it's that I don't care about the details of it. Give Finch a suit, put me in a dress, and tell me where to be. That's all the involvement I want to have in these wedding preparations at this point. I’m so sick of this.”

“Have you told Finch that?” Ben asked.

“Fuck no,” Rose exclaimed. “He's taking this as seriously as the production design of one of his films.”

“Then I suggest you decide which shade of purple you like the best,” Ben said, barely concealing a laugh. “Think of it this way. You're only going to have to do this once. Once it's done, you'll never have to do it again.”

Rose sighed and picked up the iPad. “Fine. But you two ladies are giving me your input.”

“I can do that,” Rey said, fighting off laughter.

“Me too,” Kaydel said, giving in and laughing.

**********

Rey walked into her apartment and headed straight for her bedroom, dropping her suitcase somewhere along the way and collapsing onto her bed. It had been a long four months on the road with the band, and it felt so good to be home. She grabbed a pillow and stuffed it underneath her head, closed her eyes, and prepared to go to sleep.

And then there was a knock at her door.

Groaning, Rey pushed herself up and off the bed, heading back to the front door and flinging it open. “What?”

“Hello to you too.”

Rey's eyes focused and she saw Dopheld standing there. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Now, now, Rey. Is that any way to speak to me?”

Rey blinked a few times before nodding her head. “Yes, it is. What the fuck do you want, Dopheld?”

“I came to discuss the arrangement.”

Rey sighed heavily. “What arrangement?”

“Oh yes,” Dopheld said, reaching into his coat pocket. “Your father and I have taken care of everything.”

Rey took the paperwork that Dopheld held out to her and looked through it quickly. “Dopheld...”

“As you can see, all the details are covered,” Dopheld said, pushing past Rey and walking into the apartment. 

Rey turned around and looked at him. “Dopheld, I'm not signing this.”

“It was wrong of me to leave you,” Dopheld said, leaning up against the wall. “And it was wrong of you to leave me. So there will be a public reconciliation at Sardi's followed by a courtship of two months before the announcement that our engagement is back on. The wedding will take place three months after that. I already have Mother working on the plans.”

“There is going to be no public reconciliation at Sardi's, there will be no courtship, and there sure as fuck will be no engagement or wedding,” Rey said, seething. “What the fuck makes you think that I'm going to agree to this?”

“Your father,” Dopheld said, walking towards the door. “You can work out the details of your financial settlement with him, but keep in mind you only need enough money to keep you afloat until the wedding, and then everything that is mine will be yours. Or well, everything that we negotiate in the prenuptial agreement anyway. I'll be in touch.”

And with that, Dopheld walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. Rey stared at the closed door for a moment before looking down at the paperwork in her hands. She slid down to the floor as she read through paragraph after paragraph of jargon that lawyers had come up with to explain what her father and Dopheld wanted the next few months of her life to look like. By the time she got to the end, she had a massive headache and a terrible fear that she wasn't going to be able to get out of this one.

Rey eventually stood and walked back to her bedroom, finding her phone and immediately calling Zorii. 

“Hello?”

“Zorii, I need you to come over here now.”

“Sorry, Rey, but I'm a little busy at the moment.”

“Zorii, please.”

“Rey, why don't you just go to sleep? I know you just got home.”

“Dopheld just dropped off paperwork detailing a reconciliation, courtship, engagement, and marriage that he and my father negotiated. Now would you please come over here?”

Zorii was quiet for a moment. “Fucking hell. I'll be there within the hour.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, hanging up the phone and collapsing onto her bed. “Holy shit, what the fuck am I going to do?”

**********

Rey took a large sip of her whiskey. “I was supposed to go over to Ben's tonight. Relax before they start playing the last six shows of the tour.”

“You've got to tell him,” Zorii said. “You can't lie to him about something like this.”

“I wasn't going to,” Rey protested. “I'm just worried about how he's going to react.”

“Well, he has to know that you don't want anything detailed in these pages,” Zorii said, tossing the paperwork to the table. “Or is there something in there you want?”

“Are you really asking me that question?” Rey exclaimed. “Because I would think the answer is obvious.”

“Rey.”

“I don't want anything to do with this situation,” Rey said. “Dopheld took it upon himself to call my father, tell him he wanted me back but felt it needed to be done with a legal contract, and my father called the lawyers and arranged for all of this without telling me about it. I'm terrified somehow Dopheld's money will make it happen without my signature, and that I'll be legally required to do all of this. And you don't understand why I'm nervous about talking to Ben about this.”

Zorii just shook her head. “Well, as someone with a law degree, even if I don't actually practice it, there is no way that they can make this legally binding without your signature. You're of legal age so that means your father can't sign it on your behalf unless he was your conservator, and he's definitely not that. But you've got to address this with Ben. Because like it or not, Rey, this paperwork exists.”

Rey took another long sip from her drink. “I thought about setting fire to it before I realized it's just a copy.”

“I'd say burn it anyway,” Zorii agreed, “but you need to have an actual practicing lawyer read through this and figure out how to help you. I've got a good one you can go to. He's worked for the family for years.”

Rey nodded. “I appreciate that because I clearly cannot use my family's lawyers for this.”

Zorii glanced at her phone after it beeped, clicking through to a message and reading it. “Wow.”

“Wow what?”

“Jessika says Finn showed up on her doorstep this evening,” Zorii murmured. “She wasn't expecting that.”

“So? They live near each other if I am remembering where Finn lives correctly.”

“Jessika is not in the City. She's working on some project or something so she's staying in her father's townhouse in downtown Philadelphia.”

Rey nearly choked on her drink. “What?”

“Finn apparently went to Philadelphia to see Jessika,” Zorii said. “See, I knew those two would be good together.”

Rey sighed, reaching for her phone. “I wonder if Ben knows that. They're supposed to be at the stadium at ten tomorrow morning.”

“Tell him to come over tonight,” Zorii demanded. “Talk to him.”

Rey set down her drink and started typing out a message to Ben. “Will it make you shut up about it if I do?”

“Yes,” Zorii said. “Tell him to bring dinner.”

“Are you trying to plan my evening?”

“Just making some suggestions,” Zorii murmured as she took a sip of her drink. “You're going to get hungry and I highly doubt you have any edible food after not being home for four months.”

“That is what they make takeout for,” Rey said, sending the message to Ben. “I told him to bring dinner and there's something we have to discuss.”

“Good,” Zorii said, polishing off her drink. “I shall leave you then.”

“I wish you wouldn't,” Rey said. “I don't know what to do.”

“You should get some sleep, Rey,” Zorii said as she put on her jacket. “You're exhausted. I can see it in your eyes. And don't worry about tonight. You'll know what to say.”

Rey polished off her drink as Zorii made her way to the door. “Thanks, Zorii.”

“You're welcome,” Zorii said, opening the door. “I'll text you the lawyer's info once I get it from my mother.”

“Thanks,” Rey said as the door shut. She reached for the bottle and poured herself another glass. There was no point in trying to sleep. She knew she wouldn't be able to. Instead, she planned to finish the bottle of whiskey in front of her, knowing there were ten brand new bottles sitting in her cabinet. 

She let out a small chuckle as she brought the glass to her lips. Ten brand new bottles. She hadn't lied when she said she was probably an alcoholic.


	11. Chapter 11

Ben knocked on the door at precisely seven o'clock, waiting impatiently for Rey to answer it. He had been confused about how their date had turned into dinner at Rey's apartment, but he trusted that Rey only changed it because she absolutely had to. The door opened a moment later, and the moment Ben saw her, he immediately knew something was wrong. “Rey?”

“Come on in,” Rey said, motioning for him to come inside. “Please say you remembered dinner. I have nothing to eat.”

Ben stepped into the apartment, looking at Rey closely. “You haven't even changed out of the clothes you wore on the plane.”

“Drinking was more of a priority,” Rey said, heading towards the kitchen. 

“Drinking?” Ben responded, walking into the kitchen and setting the bags for food down. “I got Chinese. What have you been drinking for?”

“Sweet and sour chicken?” Rey asked.

“Yes, that's one of the choices.”

“Good, 'cause that's my favorite.”

Ben looked over at her. “That's bullshit. Your favorite is honey sesame chicken. What the fuck is going on?”

“Are you my boyfriend?” Rey asked as she pulled a chair out from underneath the table and sat down.

“Um,” Ben started, unsure of what to say. “Yes?”

“So I should tell Dopheld his planned public reconciliation at Sardi's shouldn't happen then?” Rey said, reaching for the bottle of whiskey. “Of all the fucking places, he picked Sardi's too.”

Ben turned to her with confusion on his face. “Planned public reconciliation?”

“It's in this,” Rey said, reaching out and picking up the paperwork before dropping it back on the table. “You can read it after dinner. Warning, the legal jargon will likely give you a headache.”

Ben carried the food over to the table before turning back to the cabinets, opening and closing them until he found plates and another glass. “What is that exactly?”

“I'm not sure what to call it exactly, but Dopheld showed up here like literally five minutes after I got home this morning to deliver it to me,” Rey said, pouring herself another glass. 

Ben settled down at the table and while Rey reached for the food, Ben reached for the paperwork. While they ate, he read every single paragraph, his anger building more and more with each passing word. When he was finished, he dropped the paperwork back down to the table and knocked back three glasses of whiskey before he was able to speak.

“That is a motherfucking contract for an arranged marriage to a man that physically abuses you!” he exclaimed. “There's even a paragraph in there about how he's able to discipline you when you disobey him!”

“I know,” Rey said softly. “And I have no fucking clue what to do about it.”

“Burn the fucking thing.”

“It's only a copy.”

“I think burning it would still feel good.”

“Maybe, but I need to have a lawyer look at it,” Rey said, sighing when her phone beeped. She looked at it and saw the message was from Zorii, clicking through until she saw the information for the lawyer Zorii had been talking about. “Do you know anything about a law firm called Kenobi and Company?”

“Actually, I do,” Ben said. “Obi-Wan Kenobi and his wife Satine Kryze are on retainer for us. When the band needed lawyers to represent us, we turned to them. They represent the band on all our legal matters.”

“Well, that's all the recommendation I need. I'm guessing Obi-Wan is the one that's represented Zorii's family for years,” Rey said, running her hands over her face. “That's something I need to do first thing in the morning. Call them and get an appointment set up so someone who understands the legal jargon can tell me what that contract really means.”

“Well, I don't think there are better lawyers in New York state,” Ben said, “but you might consider my opinion biased.”

“Biased or not, I'm going with it,” Rey said, polishing off her drink and standing, taking their plates and putting them in the sink. “Can we go crash on my bed?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you,” she murmured as she pulled Ben down the hall, into the bedroom, and onto the bed. “I should have told you more before you came over, but I couldn't do that via a text.”

“It's alright,” Ben said, kissing her softly. “But I would have come over sooner if you'd told me.”

“No, you needed to sleep. And I needed to think about how to talk about this with you,” Rey said, pulling Ben into another kiss. “Have you talked to Finn today?”

“Not since we got off the plane. Why?”

“Apparently he went to Philadelphia and showed up on Jessika's doorstep,” Rey said. “She texted Zorii about it.”

Ben groaned and buried his head in Rey's neck. “Finn, you motherfucker. We've got a fucking concert tomorrow. And he knows it.”

“Why do you think he went to Philadelphia? I mean, I know he and Jessika had a little fling, but she certainly didn't think anything of it.”

“He's hiding from Poe,” Ben said, shifting around until he could reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. “I've got to call him. He can't hide from Poe forever, and Lando will kill us if we're not all at the stadium on time tomorrow.”

Rey ran her fingers through Ben's hair as he found Finn's number and dialed, putting the phone on speaker and setting it on his chest.

“What the fuck do you want, man?” echoed through the room a few moments later.

“Why the fuck are you in Philadelphia?” Ben exclaimed. 

Finn let out a string of curse words that Rey could only half figure out. “I can't fucking do it.”

“Finn...”

“No, hear me the fuck out! I know about the shows, I know about the upcoming studio time. I know I wrote all those songs on the tour, but I can't let us record any of them. I can't do this. I've tried to act like I can do this but I can't.”

Ben ran his hands over his face. “Finn, you are our primary songwriter, our lead guitarist, and the one who holds this band together. You've got to be there.”

“Are you fucking listening to me, Ben? I can't do this anymore.”

“So what, you're quitting the band?”

“Yes, no, I don't fucking know! I need some time to work out what's going on in my head.”

“So you headed to Jessika's to do that?”

“I only stopped by to say hello and return something of hers that she left in my hotel room. Does it really fucking matter where I am?”

“Yes, it does! You know Poe's going to ask and what am I supposed to tell him?”

“Tell him I'm at my place in Brooklyn. I got back a little bit ago,” Finn said.

“You know he's just going to go there then.”

“Yeah, well, maybe that's what needs to happen,” Finn said, sighing into the phone. “The two of us need to have it out in private, not in front of all of you.”

Ben just shook his head. “If you split this band up...”

“I don't want to!” Finn exclaimed. “But it can't go on this way anymore.”

“I understand, Finn, I do. But if you fuck everything up for the rest of us...”

“I don't want to,” Finn said again. “I really, really don't. But I might have to for my own sanity.”

Ben sighed. “Fine, but I'm telling Poe as soon as we hang up.”

“Oh, do whatever you fucking want. You're going to anyway.”

“Poe will be there soon!” Ben called out.

“Yeah, we'll see about that,” Finn said, and then he hung up.

Ben groaned and looked over at Rey. “This is not good.”

“Doesn't sound good,” Rey murmured, running her fingers through Ben's hair. “You going to call Poe?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, leaning over to kiss her. “I'm sorry about this.”

“Don't be,” Rey said, sitting up. “I'm the one who sprung all this on you tonight. I'd think the band stuff would be a welcome distraction.”

Ben reached for her and clasped his hand around her wrist. “Rey, I don't want to be distracted from your life. I want to be a part of it. And unfortunately, this is part of it.”

“Yeah, I know,” Rey said, pulling her arm free and standing up. “I'm going to go get some more whiskey. You call Poe.”

“Alright,” Ben said, reaching for his phone again. “God, this is such a fucking mess.”

“It's their own fault,” Rey said. 

“I know,” Ben said, sighing heavily. “I'm worried about both of them, I'm worried about the band, I'm worried about everything right now.”

“It's understandable,” Rey said, heading for the doorway. “Call him. I'll be back.”

**********

Poe pounded on the door to Finn's townhouse, not caring about how much noise he was making despite the fact that it was almost midnight. “Finn, open up this fucking door!”

He pounded on the door again until he heard the sound of the locks being undone, and then the door flew open, Finn standing before him in nothing but a pair of boxers. “You want to wake up the whole block, Poe?”

Poe shoved Finn backward and walked into the house, setting his guitar case down on the floor before reaching back and closing the door. “What the fuck is this running away to Philadelphia shit all about?”

“Oh, like you don't fucking know!” Finn walked further into the house and headed towards his bedroom, grabbing a t-shirt off the floor and putting it on. “Say whatever you want to say and then get the fuck out.”

Poe reached for his guitar case and opened it up, taking out the acoustic guitar and walking over to the sofa. He sat down and balanced the guitar on his knee, took a deep breath, and started to play.

Finn heard the notes from inside his bedroom, and when he realized he didn't recognize the song, he slowly walked out of his bedroom and down the hall to the sitting room. He leaned up against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to prepare himself for whatever was going to come out of Poe's mouth.

_If someone asked me tomorrow for the story of my life_  
_I'd tell them about you_  
_If someone asked me tomorrow if I had a wife_  
_I'd tell them about you_  
_I know I've made mistakes when it comes to you and I_  
_And I know that I don't have any good reasons why_  
_But hurting you is the last thing I want to do_  
_Because of the fact that I love you_  
_And I know that I've never said it before_  
_I know that you want to slam this door_  
_But I can't live without you by my side_  
_Need you to be part of this crazy ride_  
_Because the truth is I love you_  
_And I hope it's not too late to tell you_  
_If someone asked me tomorrow who hung the stars_  
_I'd tell them about you_  
_If someone asked me tomorrow who stole my heart_  
_I'd tell them about you_  
_I know that I've fucked up a million times_  
_I know that I can't apologize for all my crimes_  
_But hurting you is the last thing I want to do_  
_Because of the fact that I love you_  
_And I know I've never said it before_  
_I know you want to slam this door_  
_But I need you by my side_  
_Have to have you as part of this crazy ride_  
_Because the truth is I love you_  
_And I hope it's not too late to tell you_  
_There's been others, this you know_  
_But in the end, they always go_  
_I can't commit to them with all my heart_  
_Because it's been you right from the start_  
_And I know that seeing me with them has to hurt_  
_But hurting you is the last thing I want to do_  
_Because the truth is I love you_  
_The truth is I love you_  
_I love you_

Poe finished playing the song and looked up at Finn. Neither of them said a thing for several minutes until Finn finally coughed.

“You should let the band record that. It would sound great with Kaydel on vocals.”

“For fuck's sake, Finn, that's all you have to say?” Poe set the guitar down on the table in front of him and bent down to put his head in his hands. “Have I really fucked this up beyond repair?”

“So you wrote me a song,” Finn said. “Is that supposed to make everything better? Because it doesn't.”

“No, it's not supposed to make everything better,” Poe said. “But I thought it might be a good place to start. I didn't know how else to say it.”

“It's three words, Poe. Three very simple words. You knew exactly how to say it, and you have had millions of motherfucking opportunities to do it, and you just pissed them all away. So you waltz in here at fuck o'clock in the morning and play me a song with the three words in it and that's it? That's the way it has to be? You can't even just say three simple words to my fucking face?” Finn sighed heavily. “You still can't do it, can you? You can't look at me right now and say it.”

Poe stood up and stalked over to where Finn was, pushing him up against the wall and staring straight into his eyes. “I love you. I motherfucking love you.”

Finn shoved Poe away from him. “You don't mean it.”

“Bloody motherfucking hell, Finn!” Poe yelled. “What the fuck do you want from me? I do what you ask and you can't even believe that I mean it!”

“Exactly!” Finn said. “You did it because I asked! Not because you wanted to, but because I asked. You want me to believe that? You want me to believe that song? Fucking surprise me with it. Blow me away with it. Don't just do it because I asked.”

Poe walked back over to the sofa and sat down, running his hands over his face. “Are you even going to give me a chance to fix this?”

“Why should I? It's just going to end up like this again. It always does.”

“I cannot change the way I am, Finn,” Poe said, and Finn rolled his eyes dismissively. 

“You won't admit to yourself who you really are,” he said seriously. “You say you love me, Poe. You whisper promises in my ear every time we fall into bed together about a future that if you would just admit to yourself who you really are we might actually get to have. You are not straight, Poe. You might not be gay, but you are not straight. Is being bisexual really that fucking hard to admit to yourself?”

“You know how I grew up,” Poe said seriously. “You know what's ingrained in my head.”

“It's ingrained in my head too, asshole,” Finn said. “I'm just okay enough with myself to realize that the stuff in the Bible is bullshit. A book can't explain away my feelings, Poe. A book can't tell me not to feel the way I feel about you. I'm intelligent enough to realize that. And you are too if you'd just let yourself.”

“Doing that...” Poe trailed off for a few moments. “Doing that, making the commitment, having that future. It would cost me so much.”

“You will never know if your parents will accept it unless you present them with it,” Finn said softly. “I know your sister will.” 

“You don't know anything.”

“Poe, Rana is a civil rights lawyer who specializes in LGBTQ cases.”

“And that's why my parents barely speak to her.”

Finn groaned in frustration. “God fucking dammit, Poe! Grow some fucking balls and making a motherfucking decision!”

“I've made my decision,” Poe said. “You just don't like it.”

“No, you've avoided making a decision,” Finn spit out bitterly. “In the meantime, you humiliate me anytime any one of our friends brings up our relationship. 'Oh no, there's nothing going on between me and Finn.' Do you have any idea how much it hurts to hear that? Deny it all you want to the motherfucking press, but to the people that actually know about it? You can't even be honest with them?”

“It's none of their business, so yes, I deny that it's happening. They don't have a clue what goes on between us and it needs to stay that way.”

Finn felt anger flare up in him and he grabbed some decorative vase thing that his mother had given him off a shelf and threw it towards Poe, who jumped when it shattered against the table. “You are a motherfucking asshole that I never, ever, should have wasted my time on. Get the fuck out.”

“Finn...” Poe started, standing up, but Finn just grabbed another one of the vase things and threw that at him.

“I said get the fuck out!”

Poe ducked the vase and walked quickly towards Finn, grabbing his hands when Finn attempted to push him away, forcing himself close to him. “Finn, stop.”

Finn fought against him for a few moments before limply falling back against the wall. “I hate you,” he whispered, tears forming in his eyes. “I love you so much but I hate you too. You have shattered me, Poe, and I don't have the faintest idea of how to put myself back together. You have ruined me. Ruined me.”

Finn dropped his head down as the tears started to fall, and Poe gathered him into his arms without another word. Finn went willingly, burying his head in Poe's neck and sobbing against him. After a few minutes, Poe bent down and picked Finn up, carrying him into his bedroom and lying him down on the bed. After stripping off his jacket, Poe joined him on there, and Finn wrapped himself around him again, sobbing into his shoulder.

“I hate you,” Finn whispered again, and Poe felt the tears well up in his own eyes. 

He was the worst kind of piece of shit that existed on the face of the Earth. He really was. To have hurt Finn that much – to have hurt him to the point of Finn saying he'd ruined him – Poe didn't have words to describe what kind of a motherfucking piece of shit he was.

And he had no idea how to fix things. Absolutely no idea.


End file.
